A huge part of disputes is how much you unwittingly let others control you.
You can take back control by doing one thing instead; something we’ll get to in a minute. And you’ll find one of the essentials to a happy life also pops up again. Do these and life kicks along nicely.
But first it’s important to know what you may inadvertently be doing now, to let others control you.
What I tell you today is not widely known, and if known is not applied – at least I don’t see many people applying it. The good news is once the light is turned on, it stays on and you are forever more empowered.
Our aim today is to put you in charge of every situation, so you not only use disputes as an asset, but also move on from them. We want to give you freedom and have all your power under your control.
You become a magnetic personality others love to be around!
This is part 2 of a 3-part series:
Coming Through Family Disputes Peacefully and More Empowered.
Get more clarity from today’s article by first reading part 1 above.
Part 1 discussed the following:
- 6 Empowering points about disputes
- Why disputes can be used as an asset
- Who the other person really is
- How to use the dispute to become happier
To Start Today, Ask Yourself These Four Questions:
- “Do I try to prove others wrong?”
- “Do I blame others for my circumstance?”
- “Do I depend on others behaving a certain way, so I can be happy?”
- “Do I try to change other people?”
It may surprise you, but if you answer YES to any of these, YOU ARE letting other people control you.
3 Things You Do to Let Others Control You & How to STOP That
1. Others Control You If You Try to Prove Them Wrong
Proving others wrong is a powerless tactic. It feels good, but gives the other person your power; that’s not our aim.
If you want a happy life, the best thing (not necessarily the easiest!) is leave the other person out of it.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” ~~ Marcus Aurelius
(Roman Emperor CE 161 – 180, considered one of the most important Stoic philosophers)
What you’ll notice about those four questions above – they all start with “Do I”.
That’s because the dispute is all about you. That’s a great thing : -) and I’ll tell you why.
Things don’t just happen to you. (again a good thing)
If you’ve read Just Like That! you’ll already know this and why, but a reminder never hurts.
You create everything that happens to you – once you know that, life becomes easier. For example:
- Your health: You create your vibrant health or illness and pain
- Your relationships: You create fun in your relationships or disappointment
- Your finances: You create doing what you enjoy or a struggle
- Your career: You create an enjoyable job or a hard, unfulfilling slog
You even create your disputes.
You continue to create everything every day.
Do you realize how powerful and wonderful that is? It means you can choose what you create in future.
Choice = power. Choose to be in control of your life = then you are. Choose to be a victim = then you are.
So, why does trying to prove the other person wrong give them your power?
By saying they caused an issue in your life, you’re choosing to be powerless and give them the power to influence your life.
Remember, you can choose to feel powerless – and of course then you are. Your thought decides your life. You have free will to give that power away and be a victim to others.
BUT. Even though you’ve handed them your power, you’re still creating everything that happens in your life. It’s just that you’re creating situations where you are powerless.
Today our goal is to return your power to you – through knowledge.
A powerful strategy is to take responsibility for the dispute. Taking responsibility means you accept you created the dispute.
“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.” ~~ Jim Rohn
When you do, you instantly move into a PROACTIVE ROLE in your life…
… rather than being reactive and dependent on others. You are taking control and choosing your future.
Quantum physics proves what you think creates what you have in your life.
And if you create your life, it’s absolute. It doesn’t only apply to some things and not others, it’s everything.
This may seem impossible right now, but knowledge points the way – makes it fun in fact. This knowledge is already available to you, but it is your job to find, read and apply it. Do that and your life becomes *magical*.
How you can take control today: Learn more about taking responsibility for disputes – for everything. Learn how to do that and apply it. Read this:
2. Others Control You If You BLAME Them for What Happened
Now let’s talk addiction.
As mentioned in Part 1 – Family Disputes: Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less a dispute gives us an emotional “hit” like a drug. It is addictive. A common emotion is BLAME.
Because blame feels deliciously sweet, you actually feel “good” for a moment. This is due to a chemical rush, again like a drug. You feel absolved of the situation and it’s a chance to complain and have others feel sorry for you.
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~~ Dr. Robert Anthony
Blaming others means you let them control you.
Think about it – when you blame it’s because the person angered or disappointed you – in other words made you angry or sad. This also means they decide whether you feel happy or sad. You’re at their mercy.
If they’re nice to you, you’re happy. If they’re nasty you have a bad day.
Personally I’d rather choose happiness – on my terms, regardless of those around me.
I’ll put it bluntly:
If you truly are powerful enough to create all aspects of your life (you are)…
… how can you blame someone else for your situation or how you feel?
When you’re locked up in a cycle of blame, it is almost impossible for you to focus on and experience joy – you are effectively in a self-created prison. When you focus on retaliation or revenge, retaliation becomes your life so you create more of it. Life becomes harder as even more people retaliate upon you.
You created this and you can change this.
In a bizarre way, sadness and self-pity are also addictive emotions that feel “good”. But the good feeling quickly disappears, and you’re soon hunting for another hit.
It’s a downward spiral. Blaming others keeps you going south. At some point you’ll realize the truth and become desperate enough to stop the cycle and change direction. Today perhaps? : -)
“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.” ~~ Wayne Dyer
On the other side of this are fun, laughter and getting along with everyone – on your own terms.
That can be you when you say, “YES, I want that”.
The lesson is: blame no-one, not even you. Let the situation merely be a learning opportunity for you: not good and not bad.
How does that work?
Often we’re unaware of our thoughts. If your life is the result of what you think, it means you can use every situation to learn how you’re thinking, and therefore change your thoughts to create what you want.
More help coming your way: Part 3 – 7 Easy Ways to Use the Dispute to Get What You Want – posted soon, helps you discover the meaning behind disputes and how they can help you find real happiness.
How you can take control today: Take responsibility to learn more about how life works, how you’re creating your life, why you can never blame others. Then start using that knowledge to take control and get what you want. Start with this:
- You can get Chapter 3 WHATEVER YOU THINK IS TRUE from my book – part of the 3 chapter FREE download – it’s a powerful chapter about how thought works, plus it has an easy exercise to help you: HOW TO CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE THOUGHTS.
3. Others Control You If You Depend on Them Behaving a Certain Way
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” ~~ Oscar Wilde
Even if the other person is attacking you, dig a little deeper and you’ll find you want them to change and behave a certain way.
Remember, controlling someone or forcing them to do what you want is equal to slavery, something we abhor. (yet we still do this but don’t see it that way)
But here’s the catch. By trying to control someone, you become the one controlled.
Why do you become controlled when you try to control others?
If this person doesn’t behave as you’d like i.e. you are unable to control them, where does that leave you?
Out of control and without choice. Frustrated!
Criticizing or insisting others behave in a certain way is pointless. They rarely do.
What else happens when you try to control others?
- They start avoiding you because they resent it. Ever had a family member or someone make excuses about seeing you? (and you get angry about that?) This may be why. Keep it up to drive away your family and friends.
- It means your love for them is conditional and you’re attempting to take away their free will (slavery) by changing them to meet with your approval.
Give others the gift you want: accept them as they are.
“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” ~~ Nelson Mandela
What does this all mean for you?
You can’t change others, you can only change YOU.
You’re an awesome, powerful being… if you choose to be that. There’s no need to expect others to respect, love or help you. It’s simply not their job, it is yours.
The power is… with YOU.
How you can take control today: By exercising your free will – your choice. By choosing to create your own happiness from within you will stop depending on others for your happiness.
Once you’re self-sufficiently happy, you need nothing outside of you, so you stop reacting to what others are doing or saying. It becomes a no-thing.
Take responsibility to make yourself happy. Learn how and apply what you learn. Read these as a start:
- How to Be Happy and Love Your Life
- 7 Things Happy People Do – They Approve of Themselves (Part 4 of 7)
- How to Stop Criticism… Going Out and Coming In
Now you’ll be “in control” of your life for the first time.
Part 1 – Family Disputes: Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less teaches why this person acts without malice and is merely reflecting to you what you are thinking.
One Final Point to Keep You Empowered
There are no absolutes in life. There may be times when someone’s behavior is completely unacceptable and after dealing with points 1 – 3 above, you’ve achieved nothing.
You might choose to walk away. Some people are on a self-destruct tangent and you don’t have to have them in your life (unless it is your child!) Your own happiness can stay firmly intact even if you let them go.
I still say though, following points 1 – 3 will take care of most disputes and remove them from your life.
It was and always is about you.
All 3 points above (1. Proving others wrong 2. Blaming others 3. Depending on them behaving in a certain way) come down to…
… you taking responsibility for your life, your happiness.
Disputes also highlight one of the essentials of a happy life.
What is that?
Give yourself so much love you never again depend on others to supply it!
How do you love yourself? Read this:
Part 3 – 7 Steps to Turning a Dispute into What You Want. These 7 steps wrap-up parts 1 & 2, which built the understanding behind disputes. Now you have what you need to use a dispute as a valuable opportunity to transform your life.
Find out why you’re so extraordinarily powerful. Get your Free Download of the First 3 Chapters of How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That! These chapters will help you understand why life works this way, along with scientific proof. You get to find out:
- Who are you really? Who others are
- Why you are so extraordinarily powerful
- The role of your Spirit and soul, past lives
- The purpose of your body
- Proof. Easy-to-understand elements of quantum physics, explaining why your life is this way.
- Why you’re on earth
- Why you ought to love yourself first and how to do that
- Why you are free to do what you love, how to do what you love
- How to discover your dreams and goals
- How to develop greater wisdom, awareness, truth
- Where your thoughts come from
- Why your thoughts create your life
- Proof that anything is possible with thought – using latest breakthroughs in neuroscience such as neuroplasticity as an example. All simply explained.
- Exercise: How to consciously choose your thoughts
All in the first three chapters.
What Others Are Saying About How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That!
Greetings Janet from Parkes. Your book is amazing.
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I am learning to stand tall and proud, bold and strong and take life by the horns and surge forward….Oh wow..Thank you , thank you , thank you…Beautiful Lady…Much love..Tracie xxx…
Tracie Conlan, Parkes, NSW
I found “How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That !” a very refreshing read. Although I am already aware of the power of our mind, I found Janet’s book very interesting.
The inclusion of Quantum Physics was a new approach, and has made me want to learn more in this area.
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Sarah Gregory, Earth Spirit – Natures Clothing and Giftware, Orange, NSW