How You Can Ditch Obligation and Get What You Want
Love Who You Are, Do What You Love
You are here to experience life on Earth: your life. Your first step is to love yourself. When you love you, then you have what you need to love others. Anything else is an unfulfilled, uphill battle. Love who you are, do what you love and become a light to the world, in turn leading the way for others to do the same. You’re not perfect, we know that. No-one is – we are all continuing to evolve. Approve of everything you think, say and do. You are here to fulfill your goals and dreams, to create new adventures, to explore life.
You can’t live someone else’s life for them. You are here to achieve as much happiness as you can and always remember you are entitled to get what you want. The more you love yourself the more you get what you want. Be outrageous and live your life to the full.
“Once you say you’re going to settle for second, that’s what happens to you.”
John F. Kennedy
- Are you trapped into constantly having to please other people?
- Are you scared to say no?
- Why you are frustrated and bored with life.
- Why putting yourself second causes you distress.
- How to know if you are doing obligation.
- How to break with tradition and follow the path that makes you happy.
- How you’ll be supported when you do what makes you happy.
Yes, You Can Say, ‘No’
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to do what you don’t want to do. Be free and true to you.
We’ve become programmed to follow the unwritten rules of society. We robotically follow rules we never agreed to. Society, religions and cultures over many generations have decided what is ‘acceptable’ or ‘good’ behavior for you and what isn’t, and we seldom stop and say, ‘Hey, is this something I want to do? And what if I don’t want to do that?’
Yes, you can say, ‘No.’
Obligation is subtle. Sometimes we overlook our unwillingness to comply. It is so deeply buried, that we don’t see the situation for what it is, nor are we aware of how damaging obligation is to our health and happiness.
You might think this is absurd but pause for a moment and consider your life. Observe how life plays out around you, study other people’s behavior… this is happening to most of us. We are obligated in so many areas of our lives and so much is expected of us that we spend most of our day satisfying other people.
Before you do anything for someone, be ready to catch yourself. Stop and think. Allow yourself time to stand back and recognize what you’ve agreed to or are agreeing to. There is usually an alternative.
Why You Do Obligation
Lurking behind obligation is the need for acceptance from others. We’re afraid to ‘rock the boat’ for fear of being ostracized by our friends, family or colleagues. In most societies if your behavior is different or at odds with the culture, you are noticed and are potentially a target for disapproval. We police each other to behave ‘appropriately’. For most of us, the love we receive from others is conditional – directly dependent on how we behave. We all subconsciously sense the need to comply and as a result most of us have rigidly stuck to these ‘rules’, without even knowing they existed.
There’s something about the warmth and fuzziness of approval and being included as part of the group. To jeopardize this is considered too dangerous. We have an innate knowingness that to experience condemnation by our peers would feel like being banished into the wilderness, where it seems our very survival is threatened (this sounds extreme, but I ask you to ponder it).
Are You Frustrated or Bored with Your Life?
Frustration or boredom with life is owed in part to drowning in obligation. Most people even feel obliged to be in their jobs eight hours plus per day! No wonder we feel crabby and bitter about life. Even when we tell ourselves it’s righteous to put others before us, we know that’s a lie: it’s not righteous. We can’t look forward to our future and we’re allowing ourselves to be robbed of our joy and enthusiasm.
Are Other People’s Dreams More Important than Yours?
If this is you, it means you have chosen to put other people’s lives ahead of your own, but it’s not admirable. Change this or kiss goodbye to your goals and dreams (and probably say hello to dis-ease) because your focus is currently on helping other people achieve their dreams. Yours are secondary and are simply never going to happen. The truth hurts, but it’s better to hear it.
How to Know If You Are Doing Obligation
How do you recognize obligation? When there is no sense of fun and excitement in your activities. Ideally, you should wake up enthusiastic about the day ahead. Check whether you feel you have choice in what you do. If you have little or no choice, then you are probably living in a world of obligation.
Crabby, Bitter vs Happy, Fulfilled…Which One Do You Want?
Who do you think is a greater asset to you and the world? The crabby, bitter personality who is living a lie or the sunshiny one who loves their life?
Let’s get you out of this murky mire (but only if you’d like to). When you are happy, fulfilled and doing what you love, other people benefit. You become fun to be around. When your chalice is full, you are a blessing to others. You are patient, kind, generous and filled with enthusiasm and energy.
Follow Your Dreams and Feel Fabulous
Once you have the courage to break with the traditions of society, to do what is right for you, to follow your dreams and do what makes you happy, you will discover that a new sense of power and confidence washes over you. When you choose the path that makes you happy, you are being loving to you – perhaps for the first time. People and circumstances magically appear and fall into place. It is as if you are supported in your quest.
The People Who Matter Will Love You and Be Inspired
Fitting into other people’s expectations may still be tempting because it is a habit, but after a while doing this will no longer feel essential to your survival, and gradually the habit will diminish. The people who matter in your life will accept (the new) you, and continue to love and embrace you. You will become an inspiration to them, and their lives will start to change because of you. Other people may drift away and that is to be expected. Your purpose with those people is complete and in their place new people arrive, inspirational people who will take you onward with your journey, to encourage you to even greater happiness.
Anything new to us has an element of apprehension, but the rewards are rich and abundant.
Being Human is Beautiful
A beautiful aspect of being human is that we love to help others, and you will always do so – but on your own terms. Ensure there is balance and choice in what you do; make sure you do what you want to do.
Do you know anyone who would like to get anything they want? Visit www.janetpoole.com for a look at the book ‘Just Like That! ’ How to Get Anything You Want. You are entitled to get what you want and be happy. Find out how and why. The book uses the forgotten truth of ancient wisdom to lift you out of restrictive current beliefs and provide an in-depth step-by-step approach to aligning your thoughts with what you want. It also offers exercises that help integrate the knowledge into your life.