10 Tips to Stop Blaming Others (and Start Feeling Fabulous!)

Is blaming your family, friends or colleagues keeping you stuck?

Relationships are often the cause of heartache, anger and resentment.

Did you know…
… one of the main ways we grow is through relationships?

The QUESTION is:
Are you willing to be happy and free?

Did you know most of us are not willing to give up blame so as to be happy!

Isn’t it weird how feeling bad feels so “good”?

It’s true! Blame and feeling bad can feel good, but it’s only momentary and it keeps us in prison.

Which is a terrible long term plan for happiness, and can lead to serious health issues!

If you are truly ready for long term happiness, read on.

When you’re with someone have you ever…

  • Felt angry
  • Felt jealous
  • Felt rejected or ignored
  • Felt hurt
  • Felt betrayed
  • Found fault with or criticized them
  • Seen them as arrogant or selfish
  • Seen them as blunt or unfriendly
  • Seen them as uncaring or disrespectful

If YES — then again read on!

These are feelings most of have felt.
But they are neither “good” nor “bad”.

But what is important is, if you’ve consciously noticed it (as opposed to unconsciously reacted) then you’ve already taken a huge step forward and can use this as a powerful opportunity to grow.

BUT, how do I grow through relationships?

First off, know that you’re always seeing yourself in the other person.
Yes, they have a message for you.

Notice:
What do they say to you?
How do they annoy you?
How do they make you feel?

These are secret messages that give insight into you and the issues you’ve suppressed.

I know… it can seem like a puzzle to work this out : )

4 Steps to “Getting the Message” From This Person

1. First you need COURAGE!
Congratulations! Choosing not to blame and instead looking for the message is a courageous act.

2. Make a DECISION that you are open and willing to get the message.
Obvious perhaps, but you need to be in the right frame of mind!

3. Next, find the CLUES the person is giving you.

Remember, you won’t see your entire self in others, you’ll only see slivers or small parts.

Your CLUES are those parts that annoy or hurt you and are your clues to learning more about yourself.

So, let’s discover those clues. Imagine that person now.
Say to yourself something like, “I feel ___(describe the feeling)____”
e.g. “I feel angry”
“I feel small”
“I feel rejected”
“They are arrogant, they are selfish.”

Create a list of anything that comes up for you.
Don’t analyse – just keep writing.

4. CONTEMPLATE that list of clues.
Once you’re lost in thought the answer will come.

Persevere because you will eventually get the answer — even if it takes months.

My personal story in my book is in Chapter 32 – Forgiveness and took me months, but I was determined to get the message. And you can too! The “aha-moment” was worth it and I successfully moved on.

“Forgiveness is not something you do for someone else;
it’s something you do for yourself.”

~~ Jim Beaver, Life’s That Way: A Memoir

3 Things That Will Make You Feel Good When Learning About Yourself:

1. Feel good because you’re not necessarily looking for stuff people might consider “bad” e.g. anger, hate, jealously.
It may be that you felt abandoned or rejected as a child. You may feel unworthy. You may have suppressed anger or it may be a limiting belief from childhood.

Don’t judge it. Let it be “IS”.

You don’t have to know why you feel that way, just acknowledge that you do.

Be open to discovering things like your own anger, arrogance or insistence on controlling others (yes, most of us love control).

2. Feel good because it’s not about moving the blame from others to you.
We’re too hard on ourselves (which is why we blame!). Rather this is merely an opportunity to learn more about you.

Don’t be hard on yourself because even those of us who ought to know better fall into this trap.

3. Feel good because you can choose to see the situation as an opportunity, rather than a problem.
(See Chapter 5 in my book – Challenges Are Powerful Opportunities For You)

Personally, I never want to miss an opportunity to grow because in the end my issue is there whether I deny it or not.

Now a Quick Check…

Is there anyone in your community who you feel did the wrong thing to you?

If so, it’s important to deal with it — now you know how.

3 Rewards When Moving On From Blame:

1. Clarity and peace
The feeling of clarity and peace is euphoric and your new insight means personal growth. Know thyself! One of our yearnings!

2. The person like “magic” seems to change
Oh how you wished the person would change! Well, when you move on from blame they will appear to do so. You will stop feeling anger, they’ll no longer seem arrogant, blunt or hurtful.

You may even form a closer relationship with them! (This often happens!)

3. You no longer rely on people’s behaviour
Whoo hoo! You no longer need others to behave a certain way so that you can be happy. You become happy no matter what. You make yourself happy; you are empowered.

Adversity Always Gets Your Attention

Remember of course you can also see your own love, kindness and generosity reflected in others but it’s always the adversity that gets our attention!

The adversity makes us more inclined to look at ourselves –  where most of us use any excuse to avoid looking at ourselves.

When we avoid the opportunity it will always come again in the form of someone else.

This has probably been happening all your life (without you even knowing it… until now)!

Have you ever said, “Why does this always happens to me”?

“When you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself.”
~~ Deepak Chopra

Let’s face it now and move forward!

When Is It Time to Move On?

Now, for clarity’s sake — please know, it is unnecessary to keep an angry, hurtful person in your life.

Feel free to move on as long as you can genuinely say you’ve been honest with yourself and contemplated what you could learn.

I’m not saying this is easy but it’s worth it because you’ll feel fabulous!

There you have it – 10 Tips to Stop Blaming Others!

Image Credit

Related Reading On This Site:

10 Reasons Loving Yourself Gets You What You Want
(If you’re going to release blame, make it easy — start with loving yourself ♥)
Why… You’re Worth It!

Your Troubled Relationships – Could This Be The Hidden Cause? (Part 1 of 2)
Family Disputes – Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less (Part 1 of 3)

Related Reading from Other Sites:

How to Stop Playing The Blame Game
Stop Blaming Other People (and why it will help you)
Blaming others for your problems

This is Janet Poole; I believe in finding better ways to live your life and grow your business.

I believe in sharing those ideas!

Better Ways. More Freedom.

The Little Known Opportunity to Differentiate Your Business

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” ~~ Mark Twain

One of my favourite quotes because I believe in thinking for yourself. In today’s society that’s not easy but what’s the alternative?

You may want to read these 2 articles next to learn more about thinking for yourself:

Why Mainstream Thinking Gives you Mainstream Results
Do You Think For Yourself? Here’s How to Start

For now let’s continue with a better way to differentiate your business.

This article is Part 3 of a 3-Part Series on how to differentiate your business. (see links to Part 1 & 2 below)

Next time you’re

  • Browsing someone’s website
  • Paging through a magazine
  • Staring at a billboard
  • Listening to an ad on the radio

What is the ONE thing they’re all telling you, which is NOT helping them attract ideal clients?

They’re all telling you WHAT they do.
In other words they are giving you features and benefits.

Mainstream marketing techniques teach us to focus on the features and benefits (i.e. the WHAT) of our products and services.

Everyone now does this (the majority!) which means you have a huge yet little-known opportunity to differentiate your business!

How do you go about doing that, you ask?

Stop telling people WHAT you do and instead differentiate yourself by expressing WHY you do what you do.

This is not about being different for the sake of it. This is a better way of doing business because it’s easy and it works – I’ll explain in a minute the brain biology behind it.

Since becoming a WHY Coach I’ve worked with companies who have struggled to explain to me what they do and it’s only once we’ve delved into WHY they’re in business, that I truly understood WHAT they do. Interesting.

Are you struggling to explain WHAT you do to your potential clients?

Are you struggling to get the right messaging?

If so, contemplate these 2 things:

1. WHY you do what you do and
2. What you BELIEVE.

BUT… you’ll probably discover these 2 things:

1. You’re not exactly sure WHY you do what you do

2. You’re not exactly sure what you BELIEVE.

That’s where we come in because most people need help digging down and finding the truth of their WHY and what they BELIEVE.

We facilitate that with you and then use it to create powerful messaging that speaks to your ideal clients.

The First Step in the WHY Process

We discover which of the 9 WHYs is yours.
This is the most important step.

This step alone will most likely give you a massive a-ha. It will give you clarity about who you are and why you do everything you do. I mean everything.

From that day on your entire life will look different.

We believe that there are 9 WHYs and only 9.
The fact there are 9 WHYs and only 9 are what give this tool its power.
An unlimited number would make it useless as a practical tool.

With only 9 WHYs we can quickly identify your WHY and make it useful for you in both your personal and business life.

You may wonder how can there be only 9 WHYs for 7 Billion people?
It’s HOW you live your WHY that makes you unique (more on that another time).

The 9 WHYs

  1. To Contribute to a Greater Cause, Make a Difference, Add Value or Have an Impact
  2. To Create Relationships Based Upon Trust
  3. To Make Sense Out of Things
  4. To Find a Better Way and Share It
  5. To Do Things The Right Way
  6. To Think Differently & Challenge the Status Quo
  7. To Seek Mastery
  8. To Create Clarity
  9. To Simplify

Each WHY is a wonderful talent and a skill. Whichever WHY is yours you will do it as simply as breathing.

For example, my WHY is #4 “To Find a Better Way and Share It”. I am compelled to look at every situation and process to see if there is a better way! I can’t help but do it. You will realise the same once we know your WHY.

Most people can only guess at which of the 9 WHYs is theirs because we can’t see ourselves for who we truly are. That’s the first a-ha : )

Remember, your WHY is a gift and a talent, so it’s imperative you know it.

The Brain Biology Behind the WHY

Your WHY talks to a part of a person’s brain called the Limbic Brain.
It’s our feeling brain.

We make decisions because something feels right.
The Limbic Brain is the decision-making part of our brain.

If you tell a person WHAT you do (rather than WHY) you are not talking to their Limbic Brain and in fact you are CONFUSING them.

So… how do you access the Limbic Brain?

By expressing your WHY.

Expressing WHY you do what you do is effective for several reasons:

Getting to HOW starts with WHY1. You’re being authentic and genuine, and people quickly sense that. You’re talking to their Limbic Brain.
By the way, if a person does not believe what you believe, they are simply not your ideal client! (more on that another time too)

2. You are not being manipulative; most marketing is manipulative even if the intentions are good.

3. Remember, customers do business with people based on relationships. Customers must know who you are and what you stand for – your values and beliefs. That creates a feeling of belonging which feels good.

Let me give you an example. Although you’d rarely talk to a stranger on a train in your home town, you’d more likely to strike up a conversation with someone if you were overseas and they shared your accent. You’ll both instantly feel a strong connection and even… a natural inclination to trust each other! It’s true isn’t it?

Why that happens is because when you and someone else share common values and beliefs you’re more likely to trust them.
They are “your kind of people.”
You feel a sense of belonging.

Did you know…

… when it comes to you and your business, ideal clients are looking for you?

They are – it’s a fact – people love doing business with those who share their values and beliefs.

Help them find you!!!

It’s up to you to express WHY you do what you so that ideal clients can find and recognise you.

To attract ideal clients you must express your WHY.

Discover your WHY.
Live your WHY!

Contact Janet here to WHY-ify your business (and life!)

References:
The WHY Engine – Ridgely Goldsborough, ESQ
Start with WHY – Simon Sinek

Part of this series:

This article is Part 3 of a 3-Part Series on how to differentiate your business. See:

(Part 1) Are You Struggling to Differentiate Your Business?
(Part 2) How to Differentiate Your Business Using the Power of WHY

Related Reading:

(Part 1) 10 Major Reasons WHY-Inspired Leaders Have Inspired EMPLOYEES

My name is Janet Poole and I believe there are better ways to delight your customers and inspire your staff.

I believe in meaningful conversation, knowing what really matters to you.

I believe an open mind is essential to a better life because there are always different and better ways of doing things.

I believe truth is a better way no matter how outrageous and despite its consequences because it sets you free.

I don’t believe in conforming. I believe in freedom and remembering to use your free will because many of us forget we have it and end up frustrated living below our potential.

I believe in saying yes to opportunities, doing something greater than yourself because it will thrill you; life ought to be an adventure, lived with courage.

I believe in laughing, delicious food and red wine.

I believe in being someone you can count on who will support you all the way into the results you want.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

Knowing your WHY is like turning on the lights to your behaviour. You gain instant clarity. It’s like being introduced to yourself. When you know your WHY, you begin to understand. When you know your WHY, you realise your unique gifts. When you know your WHY, you gain clarity and confidence. When you know your WHY you live with passion.

When you know your WHY you can take your business from good to great in a single day.

Know Your WHY logo

How to Differentiate Your Business Using the Power of WHY

 “Today, people want authenticity.

They want to know who you are and what you stand for.

They want to “feel” right about the decision to pick you and your products over any others.

They don’t want to be manipulated or misled and are tired of exaggerated claims and misrepresentations.”

~~ Excerpt from The WHY Engine

This is Part 2 of a 3-Part Series on how to differentiate your business (see links for Parts 1 & 3 below).

The most effective way to reach your ideal customer is to start with your WHY.

Steve Jobs and Apple show us how to differentiate a business with the power of WHY.

Most people think Apple succeeded because they created great products.

Wrong.

Apple became successful because they told us what they believe and in so doing attracted others who share that belief—their loyal clients keep buying Apple products almost compulsively.

Apple users don’t care how much they pay.
Other computer buyers price shop.

Let’s explore.

Steve Jobs’ WHY was to “Think Differently and Challenge the Status Quo.”

  • Jobs knew who he was.
  • Jobs knew what he brought to the world.
  • Jobs knew his WHY.

His ability to clearly articulate WHY he did what he did and what he believed, allowed him to build Apple into one of the largest companies in the world starting from his garage.

Apple is the perfect example of a business that represents the business owner’s WHY.
Everything Apple does is a reflection of what Steve Jobs believed.
Everything Apple does challenges the status quo.

But it’s not enough just to “do” your WHY, you must “express” your WHY.

By expressing his WHY Steve Jobs was able to not only attract passionate, loyal clients, he created something every business owner desperately needs—a passionate, loyal, talented team who works for the greater cause.

Clearly communicate your WHY to your staff – here’s why

These articles explain:

How to Create True Passion and Inspiration in Your Team

(Part 1) 10 Major Reasons WHY-Inspired Leaders Have Inspired Employees

As long as Apple embraced Steve Jobs’ WHY and spread the message, the company flourished.
Then, in 1985 Steve Jobs was ousted from the company and Apple began a painful downward spiral.

Apple lost its way until Jobs returned to Apple twelve years later in 1997.

By 1998, he’d cut Apple’s product offering from 350 to 10, a dramatic reduction, and the company again began focusing on Steve’s WHY of “Challenging the Status Quo”.
They expressed it in their marketing as “Think Different.”

If you watch Apple’s ad “The Crazy Ones” used to re-launch Apple in 1997 after Jobs returned, you’ll notice they didn’t talk about computers, processors, screens or functionality
(as most computer companies do).

Why didn’t they?

It’s simple. No-one cares “what” you do until they know WHY you do what you do and what you believe.
We all care far more about what you believe than your quality or service, which we hope are a given.

WHY you do what you do, is what makes you stand out, it’s what makes you different.

In Apple’s “The Crazy Ones” they instead talked about what they believe as a company because as already mentioned, that’s what people care about first.

If you believe what Apple believes then Apple is the right business for you.

In fact, Apple lived their WHY of “Challenging the Status Quo” so effectively that they challenged the status quo in stunning ways we’re familiar with:

  • The music industry with the iPod and iTunes
  • The mobile industry with the iPhone.

What can you do to differentiate your business?

a. Know WHY you do what you do
(most businesses don’t)

b. Clearly express to your customers WHY you do what you do
(most businesses don’t)

c. Clearly express your WHY to your staff so as to inspire them
(most businesses don’t)

This is Part 2 of a 3-Part Series on how to differentiate your business:

Part 1 – Are You Struggling to Differentiate Your Business?
Part 3 – A Little Known Opportunity to Differentiate Your Business

If you agree with Albert Einstein, perhaps you share his WHY.

Discover your WHY.
Live your WHY!

Contact Janet here to WHY-ify your business (and life!)

References:
The WHY Engine – Ridgely Goldsborough, ESQ
Start with WHY – Simon Sinek

Related Reading:

Did Apple’s Products Make Them a Success or Did Something Else?

(Part 1) 10 Major Reasons WHY-Inspired Leaders Have Inspired EMPLOYEES

(Part 2) 10 Major Reasons WHY-Inspired Leaders Inspire Their CUSTOMERS

My name is Janet Poole and I believe there are better ways to delight your customers and inspire your staff.

I believe in meaningful conversation, knowing what really matters to you.

I believe an open mind is essential to a better life because there are always different and better ways of doing things.

I believe truth is a better way no matter how outrageous and despite its consequences because it sets you free.

I don’t believe in conforming. I believe in freedom and remembering to use your free will because many of us forget we have it and end up frustrated living below our potential.

I believe in saying yes to opportunities, doing something greater than yourself because it will thrill you; life ought to be an adventure, lived with courage.

I believe in laughing, delicious food and red wine.

I believe in being someone you can count on who will support you all the way into the results you want.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

Knowing your WHY is like turning on the lights to your behaviour. You gain instant clarity. It’s like being introduced to yourself. When you know your WHY, you begin to understand. When you know your WHY, you realise your unique gifts. When you know your WHY, you gain clarity and confidence. When you know your WHY you live with passion.

When you know your WHY you can take your business from good to great in a single day.

Know Your WHY logo

Are You Struggling to Differentiate Your Business?

 Be Inspired by WHYMost people have no idea how to explain
what their business does,
how it is different
or WHY they’re in business.

This is Part 1 of a 3-Part Series on how to differentiate your business (Links to Part 2 & 3 are below).

If you wanted to buy jewellery and one of your friends was a jeweller where would you go?

Correct, you’d go directly to your friend’s store because you already have a relationship.

With friends you most likely share similar beliefs and values.

If you went deeper, you’d see that you feel good with friends because you feel a sense of belonging.

We feel safe.
We can relax.
We trust our friends.

They’re one of us.

What if you had a way of finding ideal customers who share your beliefs and values, as you do with friends?

If you did that your customers would feel great doing business with you and you’d feel equally good about them.

The best way to differentiate your business is by telling the world what you believe and value.

That way people who believe what you believe will be attracted to you and become loyal customers who feel good about doing business with you.

It’s a better way of doing business because not only does it get results, you get to build a successful business by being authentic, genuine and real.

To differentiate your business you have to attract, engage and connect with ideal, loyal customers—those who believe what you believe.

You must express your beliefs, your values.

You must tell them WHY you do everything you do.

You must express your WHY.

Such a message would resonate in the mind of your ideal client and differentiate you from the competition.

It’s a better way.
And it starts with your WHY Messaging.

This is Part 1 of a 3-Part Series on how to differentiate your business:

Part 2 – How to Differentiate Your Business with the Power of WHY
Part 3 – The Little Know Opportunity to Differentiate Your Business

Live your WHY!

Contact Janet here to WHY-ify your business.

References:
The WHY Engine – Ridgely Goldsborough, ESQ
Start with WHY – Simon Sinek

Related Reading:

Did Apple’s Products Make Them a Success or Did Something Else?

(Part 1) 10 Major Reasons WHY-Inspired Leaders Have Inspired EMPLOYEES

(Part 2) 10 Major Reasons WHY-Inspired Leaders Inspire Their CUSTOMERS

How to Create True Passion and Inspiration in Your Team

7 Unwanted Things When You’re Not Living Your WHY

7 Things Happen When You Don’t Know Your WHY

When You Know Your WHY…

My name is Janet Poole and I believe there are better ways to delight your customers and inspire your staff.

I believe in meaningful conversation, knowing what really matters to you.

I believe an open mind is essential to a better life because there are always different and better ways of doing things.

I believe truth is a better way no matter how outrageous and despite its consequences because it sets you free.

I don’t believe in conforming. I believe in freedom and remembering to use your free will because many of us forget we have it and end up frustrated living below our potential.

I believe in saying yes to opportunities, doing something greater than yourself because it will thrill you; life ought to be an adventure, lived with courage.

I believe in laughing, delicious food and red wine.

I believe in being someone you can count on who will support you all the way into the results you want.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

Knowing your WHY is like turning on the lights to your behaviour. You gain instant clarity. It’s like being introduced to yourself. When you know your WHY, you begin to understand. When you know your WHY, you realise your unique gifts. When you know your WHY, you gain clarity and confidence. When you know your WHY you live with passion.

When you know your WHY you can take your business from good to great in a single day.

Know Your WHY logo

Did Apple’s Products Make Them a Success or Did Something Else?

WHY-homeDid you know as human beings we have a very basic and powerful need – the need TO BELONG.

We are more likely to trust and feel comfortable with those who believe what we believe.

We see them as “our kind of people”.

When we share values and beliefs with someone, we feel connected and safe.

For example have you ever been traveling and coincidentally met someone who comes from your home town? You somehow feel connected to them even though they’re a stranger.

Our need to belong is so strong that we even crave being involved with organisations that are like us and who share our beliefs.

If Apple had simply told us they were the best, fastest, greatest computer company would we have cared as much? No.

Is Apple successful just because they make great products?

No.

Their customers care so much because Apple tells us WHY they exist and what they believe.

Today people want authenticity. They want to know who you are and what you stand for.

They want to “feel” right about the decision to choose you and your products.

They don’t want to be manipulated or misled. They are tired of exaggerated claims.

We are drawn to leaders and organisations that tell us what they believe. It makes us feel safe and part of something worthwhile.

We feel inspired.

When an organisation tells us WHY they exist and what they believe, and we believe what they believe then we are more likely to go to great lengths to include those products and services in our lives.

Notice how Apple users feel a bond with each other. Notice how Harley Davidson riders feel a bond with each other.

If all you do is tell the world WHAT you sell i.e. your price, quality, service, technology, then you’re not differentiating yourself in any way from other businesses that offer the same thing.

There’s no opportunity to create a common bond.

When you express your WHY, you instantly create an environment for those who believe what you believe to feel great about you, to feel they have something in common with you, to bond with you.

To attract ideal customers you love to work with and who become loyal, raving fans who recommend you to their friends, you must share your WHY.

get-your-why-on

Live your WHY.

The WHY Movement is here.

Go here, and contact Janet here to WHY-ify your business.

References:
The WHY Engine – Ridgely Goldsborough, ESQ
Start with WHY – Simon Sinek

Related Reading:

(Part 1) 10 Major Reasons WHY-Inspired Leaders Have Inspired EMPLOYEES

(Part 2) 10 Major Reasons WHY-Inspired Leaders Inspire Their CUSTOMERS

How to Create True Passion and Inspiration in Your Team

7 Unwanted Things When You’re Not Living Your WHY

7 Things Happen When You Don’t Know Your WHY

When You Know Your WHY…

My name is Janet Poole and I believe there are better ways to delight your customers and inspire your staff.

I believe in meaningful conversation, knowing what really matters to you.

I believe an open mind is essential to a better life because there are always different and better ways of doing things.

I believe truth is a better way no matter how outrageous and despite its consequences because it sets you free.

I don’t believe in conforming. I believe in freedom and remembering to use your free will because many of us forget we have it and end up frustrated living below our potential.

I believe in saying yes to opportunities, doing something greater than yourself because it will thrill you; life ought to be an adventure, lived with courage.

I believe in laughing, delicious food and red wine.

I believe in being someone you can count on who will support you all the way into the results you want.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

Knowing your WHY is like turning on the lights to your behaviour. You gain instant clarity. It’s like being introduced to yourself. When you know your WHY, you begin to understand. When you know your WHY, you realise your unique gifts. When you know your WHY, you gain clarity and confidence. When you know your WHY you live with passion.

When you know your WHY you can take your business from good to great in a single day.

Know Your WHY logo