Is blaming your family, friends or colleagues keeping you stuck?
Relationships are often the cause of heartache, anger and resentment.
Did you know…
… one of the main ways we grow is through relationships?
The QUESTION is:
Are you willing to be happy and free?
Did you know most of us are not willing to give up blame so as to be happy!
Isn’t it weird how feeling bad feels so “good”?
It’s true! Blame and feeling bad can feel good, but it’s only momentary and it keeps us in prison.
Which is a terrible long term plan for happiness, and can lead to serious health issues!
If you are truly ready for long term happiness, read on.
When you’re with someone have you ever…
- Felt angry
- Felt jealous
- Felt rejected or ignored
- Felt hurt
- Felt betrayed
- Found fault with or criticized them
- Seen them as arrogant or selfish
- Seen them as blunt or unfriendly
- Seen them as uncaring or disrespectful
If YES — then again read on!
These are feelings most of have felt.
But they are neither “good” nor “bad”.
But what is important is, if you’ve consciously noticed it (as opposed to unconsciously reacted) then you’ve already taken a huge step forward and can use this as a powerful opportunity to grow.
BUT, how do I grow through relationships?
First off, know that you’re always seeing yourself in the other person.
Yes, they have a message for you.
What do they say to you?
How do they annoy you?
How do they make you feel?
These are secret messages that give insight into you and the issues you’ve suppressed.
I know… it can seem like a puzzle to work this out : )
4 Steps to “Getting the Message” From This Person
1. First you need COURAGE!
Congratulations! Choosing not to blame and instead looking for the message is a courageous act.
2. Make a DECISION that you are open and willing to get the message.
Obvious perhaps, but you need to be in the right frame of mind!
3. Next, find the CLUES the person is giving you.
Remember, you won’t see your entire self in others, you’ll only see slivers or small parts.
Your CLUES are those parts that annoy or hurt you and are your clues to learning more about yourself.
So, let’s discover those clues. Imagine that person now.
Say to yourself something like, “I feel ___(describe the feeling)____”
e.g. “I feel angry”
“I feel small”
“I feel rejected”
“They are arrogant, they are selfish.”
Create a list of anything that comes up for you.
Don’t analyse – just keep writing.
4. CONTEMPLATE that list of clues.
Once you’re lost in thought the answer will come.
Persevere because you will eventually get the answer — even if it takes months.
My personal story in my book is in Chapter 32 – Forgiveness and took me months, but I was determined to get the message. And you can too! The “aha-moment” was worth it and I successfully moved on.
“Forgiveness is not something you do for someone else;
it’s something you do for yourself.”
~~ Jim Beaver, Life’s That Way: A Memoir
3 Things That Will Make You Feel Good When Learning About Yourself:
1. Feel good because you’re not necessarily looking for stuff people might consider “bad” e.g. anger, hate, jealously.
It may be that you felt abandoned or rejected as a child. You may feel unworthy. You may have suppressed anger or it may be a limiting belief from childhood.
Don’t judge it. Let it be “IS”.
You don’t have to know why you feel that way, just acknowledge that you do.
Be open to discovering things like your own anger, arrogance or insistence on controlling others (yes, most of us love control).
2. Feel good because it’s not about moving the blame from others to you.
We’re too hard on ourselves (which is why we blame!). Rather this is merely an opportunity to learn more about you.
Don’t be hard on yourself because even those of us who ought to know better fall into this trap.
3. Feel good because you can choose to see the situation as an opportunity, rather than a problem.
(See Chapter 5 in my book – Challenges Are Powerful Opportunities For You)
Personally, I never want to miss an opportunity to grow because in the end my issue is there whether I deny it or not.
Now a Quick Check…
Is there anyone in your community who you feel did the wrong thing to you?
If so, it’s important to deal with it — now you know how.
3 Rewards When Moving On From Blame:
1. Clarity and peace
The feeling of clarity and peace is euphoric and your new insight means personal growth. Know thyself! One of our yearnings!
2. The person like “magic” seems to change
Oh how you wished the person would change! Well, when you move on from blame they will appear to do so. You will stop feeling anger, they’ll no longer seem arrogant, blunt or hurtful.
You may even form a closer relationship with them! (This often happens!)
3. You no longer rely on people’s behaviour
Whoo hoo! You no longer need others to behave a certain way so that you can be happy. You become happy no matter what. You make yourself happy; you are empowered.
Adversity Always Gets Your Attention
Remember of course you can also see your own love, kindness and generosity reflected in others but it’s always the adversity that gets our attention!
The adversity makes us more inclined to look at ourselves – where most of us use any excuse to avoid looking at ourselves.
When we avoid the opportunity it will always come again in the form of someone else.
This has probably been happening all your life (without you even knowing it… until now)!
Have you ever said, “Why does this always happens to me”?
“When you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself.”
~~ Deepak Chopra
Let’s face it now and move forward!
When Is It Time to Move On?
Now, for clarity’s sake — please know, it is unnecessary to keep an angry, hurtful person in your life.
Feel free to move on as long as you can genuinely say you’ve been honest with yourself and contemplated what you could learn.
I’m not saying this is easy but it’s worth it because you’ll feel fabulous!
There you have it – 10 Tips to Stop Blaming Others!
Related Reading On This Site:
Your Troubled Relationships – Could This Be The Hidden Cause? (Part 1 of 2)
Family Disputes – Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less (Part 1 of 3)
Related Reading from Other Sites:
This is Janet Poole; I believe in finding better ways to live your life and grow your business.
I believe in sharing those ideas!
Better Ways. More Freedom.