10 Tips to Stop Blaming Others (and Start Feeling Fabulous!)

Is blaming your family, friends or colleagues keeping you stuck?

Relationships are often the cause of heartache, anger and resentment.

Did you know…
… one of the main ways we grow is through relationships?

The QUESTION is:
Are you willing to be happy and free?

Did you know most of us are not willing to give up blame so as to be happy!

Isn’t it weird how feeling bad feels so “good”?

It’s true! Blame and feeling bad can feel good, but it’s only momentary and it keeps us in prison.

Which is a terrible long term plan for happiness, and can lead to serious health issues!

If you are truly ready for long term happiness, read on.

When you’re with someone have you ever…

  • Felt angry
  • Felt jealous
  • Felt rejected or ignored
  • Felt hurt
  • Felt betrayed
  • Found fault with or criticized them
  • Seen them as arrogant or selfish
  • Seen them as blunt or unfriendly
  • Seen them as uncaring or disrespectful

If YES — then again read on!

These are feelings most of have felt.
But they are neither “good” nor “bad”.

But what is important is, if you’ve consciously noticed it (as opposed to unconsciously reacted) then you’ve already taken a huge step forward and can use this as a powerful opportunity to grow.

BUT, how do I grow through relationships?

First off, know that you’re always seeing yourself in the other person.
Yes, they have a message for you.

Notice:
What do they say to you?
How do they annoy you?
How do they make you feel?

These are secret messages that give insight into you and the issues you’ve suppressed.

I know… it can seem like a puzzle to work this out : )

4 Steps to “Getting the Message” From This Person

1. First you need COURAGE!
Congratulations! Choosing not to blame and instead looking for the message is a courageous act.

2. Make a DECISION that you are open and willing to get the message.
Obvious perhaps, but you need to be in the right frame of mind!

3. Next, find the CLUES the person is giving you.

Remember, you won’t see your entire self in others, you’ll only see slivers or small parts.

Your CLUES are those parts that annoy or hurt you and are your clues to learning more about yourself.

So, let’s discover those clues. Imagine that person now.
Say to yourself something like, “I feel ___(describe the feeling)____”
e.g. “I feel angry”
“I feel small”
“I feel rejected”
“They are arrogant, they are selfish.”

Create a list of anything that comes up for you.
Don’t analyse – just keep writing.

4. CONTEMPLATE that list of clues.
Once you’re lost in thought the answer will come.

Persevere because you will eventually get the answer — even if it takes months.

My personal story in my book is in Chapter 32 – Forgiveness and took me months, but I was determined to get the message. And you can too! The “aha-moment” was worth it and I successfully moved on.

“Forgiveness is not something you do for someone else;
it’s something you do for yourself.”

~~ Jim Beaver, Life’s That Way: A Memoir

3 Things That Will Make You Feel Good When Learning About Yourself:

1. Feel good because you’re not necessarily looking for stuff people might consider “bad” e.g. anger, hate, jealously.
It may be that you felt abandoned or rejected as a child. You may feel unworthy. You may have suppressed anger or it may be a limiting belief from childhood.

Don’t judge it. Let it be “IS”.

You don’t have to know why you feel that way, just acknowledge that you do.

Be open to discovering things like your own anger, arrogance or insistence on controlling others (yes, most of us love control).

2. Feel good because it’s not about moving the blame from others to you.
We’re too hard on ourselves (which is why we blame!). Rather this is merely an opportunity to learn more about you.

Don’t be hard on yourself because even those of us who ought to know better fall into this trap.

3. Feel good because you can choose to see the situation as an opportunity, rather than a problem.
(See Chapter 5 in my book – Challenges Are Powerful Opportunities For You)

Personally, I never want to miss an opportunity to grow because in the end my issue is there whether I deny it or not.

Now a Quick Check…

Is there anyone in your community who you feel did the wrong thing to you?

If so, it’s important to deal with it — now you know how.

3 Rewards When Moving On From Blame:

1. Clarity and peace
The feeling of clarity and peace is euphoric and your new insight means personal growth. Know thyself! One of our yearnings!

2. The person like “magic” seems to change
Oh how you wished the person would change! Well, when you move on from blame they will appear to do so. You will stop feeling anger, they’ll no longer seem arrogant, blunt or hurtful.

You may even form a closer relationship with them! (This often happens!)

3. You no longer rely on people’s behaviour
Whoo hoo! You no longer need others to behave a certain way so that you can be happy. You become happy no matter what. You make yourself happy; you are empowered.

Adversity Always Gets Your Attention

Remember of course you can also see your own love, kindness and generosity reflected in others but it’s always the adversity that gets our attention!

The adversity makes us more inclined to look at ourselves –  where most of us use any excuse to avoid looking at ourselves.

When we avoid the opportunity it will always come again in the form of someone else.

This has probably been happening all your life (without you even knowing it… until now)!

Have you ever said, “Why does this always happens to me”?

“When you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself.”
~~ Deepak Chopra

Let’s face it now and move forward!

When Is It Time to Move On?

Now, for clarity’s sake — please know, it is unnecessary to keep an angry, hurtful person in your life.

Feel free to move on as long as you can genuinely say you’ve been honest with yourself and contemplated what you could learn.

I’m not saying this is easy but it’s worth it because you’ll feel fabulous!

There you have it – 10 Tips to Stop Blaming Others!

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Related Reading On This Site:

10 Reasons Loving Yourself Gets You What You Want
(If you’re going to release blame, make it easy — start with loving yourself ♥)
Why… You’re Worth It!

Your Troubled Relationships – Could This Be The Hidden Cause? (Part 1 of 2)
Family Disputes – Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less (Part 1 of 3)

Related Reading from Other Sites:

How to Stop Playing The Blame Game
Stop Blaming Other People (and why it will help you)
Blaming others for your problems

This is Janet Poole; I believe in finding better ways to live your life and grow your business.

I believe in sharing those ideas!

Better Ways. More Freedom.

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Play It Safe and Survive — Is That Enough?

Hot Air balloon2
DECIDE to follow your DREAMS

“You can play it safe, and I wouldn’t blame you for it.
You can continue as you’ve been doing, and you’ll survive, but is that what you want? Is that enough?”
~~ J.M. Darhower

You’re an infinite being.
Your potential is infinite.

Why would you merely survive and crimp your infinite outrageous potential?

Let’s put it this way, what would you be doing if you were guaranteed success in all that you do?

If that inspires you, then let’s do something magnificent, something that makes you live large and feel fabulous!

BUT understand this… you can’t get to your new destination by following an old path.

You’re going to be traveling some uncharted territory.
This will be new for you, right?
It’s going to be unfamiliar, so you’re going to probably feel uneasy.
Discomfort is part of the adventure.

Embrace it.

Most people run at the first sign of discomfort.
Embracing your discomfort is noble.
It means you’re a courageous pioneer – of your own life.

The first step if you want to do something new is to make a DECISION.

Nothing happens without a DECISION and a decision comes BEFORE the “HOW” shows up.

Most people wait their whole life for the RIGHT HOW and RIGHT TIME.

They never live their dream.
The RIGHT HOW and RIGHT TIME never come.

Do this instead:
When you have a dream or discover a new opportunity ask yourself a simple question, “Does this make me feel excited?”
If it’s a YES, that’s all you need.

DECIDE… right here, right now. “I am doing it.”

You may feel a little scared, and that’s a good sign because it means you’re moving into something new.
We THRIVE on new experiences.

Making decisions is scary when we first start but it’s the ONLY WAY to create your dream.
Nothing happens without a DECISION.

Your dream and that you have it is no coincidence; it’s vital you start moving into living it.

One of the reasons the world is filled with sadness and depression is because people suppress their dreams and crimp their potential; suppression is another reason for illness.

The way to be happy, healthy and young is to DECIDE to follow your dreams and continually evolve and grow.

The SAFEST thing you can do is move forward into what you want!

Survival is not impressive, it’s not safe… choose to THRIVE!!!

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Related Reading:

Are You Brave Enough to Use The Power of Your Mind?
5 Reasons You’re Not Asking For What You Want

This is Janet Poole and I believe in freedom and living our true potential.

I believe in finding better ways to live a better life.

I have searched the world to find the best ways to grow, get permanent change and achieve your wildest dreams — I have found it in the program Thinking Into Results.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

Contact Janet Poole here

 

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You Are The Way You Are For A Reason

SnoopySociety tries to dictate who we ought to be, how we ought to look, what we wear, what we say and so on.

This causes us to aim to be like everyone else and fit in.

There’s no doubt it takes courage to step out of the herd mentality and follow the beat of your own drum but really and truly…
everything else is a lie.

You may feel different to others, you may feel you’re not interesting enough, not good enough, you may feel no-one understands you.
You may feel
___(fill in the blank)__.

The truth is you don’t have to BE anything other than what you are.

You’re already wonderful!

What’s happening is that we naturally seek fuller expression of ourselves.

What’s beautiful about how you feel and the way you are right now, is that these things drive you into new directions so you express YOU more fully, have new experiences and do things you’ve never done before.

We’re always seeking to be better… we naturally seek MORE.

This is all perfect. Why?

Because your soul has a fundamental
desire to do things it’s never done before.
Your soul LOVES GROWTH
!

That’s the adventure of life!
The buzz… there’s nothing quite like it!

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk
it took to blossom.”
~~ Anaïs Nin

Your soul is hungry for new experiences.
Your soul gains wisdom from new experiences.
That’s priceless because you carry wisdom into all eternity.
This is why doing something new FEELS SO GOOD!

You are the way you are for a reason.

Love the way you are because if you allow yourself to be you, you’ll naturally move into what’s right for you.

You’re happiest and most successful when you’re growing…
and especially when growing in ways ideal for YOU.

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Related Reading:

Finding Times Tough? Can You Make This Simple Choice to Get the Happy Life You Want? (Part 2 of 7)
Are You Searching for a Heart of Gold?

This is Janet Poole; I believe there are better ways to delight your customers and inspire your staff.

I’m a certified Know Your WHY Facilitator and Coach and a Certified Facilitator of Bob Proctor’s Thinking into Results program.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

 

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6 Easy Attitude Adjustments >>> Get Big Results!

ButterfliesDid you know ATTITUDE affects your entire life?

Did you know at the core of a great attitude is PERSPECTIVE?

Your perspective has a huge effect on your overall level of health, happiness and success.

Why?

Because all things can be viewed in several ways.

You can choose to see invitation or limitation!

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” ~~Zig Ziglar

6 Tips to bring greater happiness and success into your life

1. Each day make a list of things you’re grateful for.

Gratitude is often overlooked because it somehow lacks pizzazz. I attribute much of my success and happiness to gratitude. Believe it or not, my challenging childhood actually helped my level of gratitude!

You can practice gratitude before you get up in the morning, in the shower, while driving or perhaps when you get into bed at night (my favourite time : )

Why does gratitude work?

Gratitude raises your VIBRATION and ultimately it’s your vibration that determines the RESULTS in your life.

If you’re in a low vibration, life is hard.
A HIGH vibration naturally moves you into the people, opportunities, circumstances you want i.e. the RESULTS you want.

2. Love life, not stuff.

Do you ever feel more possessions will make you happy?

What usually happens is after you acquire something, it doesn’t mean as much as you thought it would. The QUALITY of your life itself is what brings the most happiness, not your stuff.

However I often suggest going for “stuff” if that’s what you want because it’s important to have that experience.

There will come a time where you understand life is so much more than stuff.
Money is VERY handy but it DOES NOT necessarily bring happiness on its own.

What does bring happiness is what you’re DOING every day.
Are you excited about what you do?

If not, choose to find information that helps you live your passion.
Until you’re going for something meaningful to you, life will be meaningless.

I loved Kevin McCloud’s documentary called “Slumming It” because it reminded me and my family about what is important in life.
See my story here:
Has Your Pursuit of the Material Been At the Expense of Happiness?

3. Enjoy the journey.

Our society has trained us to be in a hurry and expect immediate gratification.

I show people how to create worthy goals and achieve them however I also teach that the underlying reason for every goal is… GROWTH.

While it’s fun to achieve goals, it’s the growth we get from the journey that gives TRUE satisfaction.

If you want to see a situation as an INVITATION, then you will.
If you want to see a situation as a LIMITATION, then you will.

“We find things where we look for them,
which is why I never look for a golf ball out of bounds.” ~~ Robert Brault

4. Believe in yourself.

Life is far more pleasant when you have faith in yourself. Remember: You’ve already achieved many amazing things in your life.

Even learning to walk meant falling over and getting up countless times, but you didn’t get annoyed with yourself.

How many times are you willing to fall down and get back up?
When you believe in yourself and expect success, you’re more likely to succeed.

5. It doesn’t have to be hard work.

Achieving something worthwhile DOES NOT necessarily need a lot of effort
(although action and persistence are required : )

I’ve discovered if you keep hitting obstacles on your mission, that’s a sign there’s a better way and all it takes is a few minutes to pause and reflect. There’s ALWAYS more than one way to get what you want : )

Read the book You2  by Price Pritchett to see why “trying harder” isn’t always the way through!
I’ve read that book many times!

Image - Change your Perspective6. There’s no such thing as failure.

Remember a basketball player who is unwilling to go for the goal will NEVER score.

People who succeed fail
A LOT!

I’ve used Go For No to help me become friends with the word “no” and beyond that see it as an asset.

Go For No will help you be willing to fall flat on your face and go on to WIN : )

If you’re willing to keep going, I assure you, you WILL build confidence. After all, much of the time we’re afraid to fail because of the fear of what others will think or say about us.

Failure and persistence make us immune to other people’s opinions and what a GREAT attitude that is : )
That kind of freedom is priceless.

One of the most powerful messages we can ever hear is…

YOU HAVE CHOICE.

You hold the key.

Choose your perspective.

Go for it!

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Related Reading:

Stop Allowing Current Circumstances to Dictate Your Results
7 Things Happy People Do – They Have an Open Mind (Part 1 of 7)
Finding Times Tough? Re-build Confidence in Yourself Today and Get What You Want (Part 6 of 7)

This is Janet Poole and I believe in freedom and living our true potential.

I believe in finding better ways to live a better life.

I have searched the world to find the BEST ways to grow, get PERMANENT change and achieve your WILDEST dreams — I have found it in the program Thinking Into Results.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

Contact Janet Poole here

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How Could Every Failure Be a Success?

GO WITH THE FLOW
GO WITH THE FLOW

We never “fail”… we’re just afraid we might.

(and who decides it’s “failure” because really and truly there’s no such thing : )

Even if you said you’d failed I’d say, “Congratulations – you’re moving… many are stuck so far back in fear, they might never move! You’re already further ahead.”

Today I’m emphasizing the advantages of MOVING INTO ACTION, that even if you make mistakes you’re still further ahead.

I’m also giving you an easy technique, to get you moving.

“Courage is being scared to death – and saddling up anyway.”

~~ John Wayne

The great thing about MOVING is it’s easier to change direction.

Imagine a vehicle.
– How hard is it to change direction while standing still? Very hard.
– How hard is it to change direction while moving? Very easy.

Studies show that people who achieve what they want, do it through trial and error.

Yes, a mistake is an indicator of success

How successful can you be if you’re DOING NOTHING?

Today I have some words of wisdom from Dr Maxwell Maltz author of Psycho-Cybernetics and below you’ll see a great technique I use – that you can start using today.

I was intrigued when I first heard that a rocket arrives at its destination through a series of mistakes (it fails its way there?) and that our subconscious mind is a mechanism operating in a similar way.

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

~~ Albert Einstein

According to Dr Maltz, our subconscious is in fact a “machine” we use.

We direct this machine using our conscious mind.

So, how is the mechanism in a rocket similar to your subconscious mind?

Have a look at this interesting list of similarities:

  • They are both goal-striving mechanisms.
  • They are both impersonal (your subconscious mind does not see things as good or bad it just goes ahead and creates your outside world according to your thinking – whether that serves you or not)
  • They must both be moving to get to their goal (sounds obvious yet most people don’t move)
  • They both reach their destination (goal) through trial and error. When they go forward, they make mistakes and correct their course. They are therefore further ahead.