Family Gatherings: 7 Steps to Turning a Dispute into What You Want (Part 3 of 3)

CHANGE… IT’S IN YOUR NATURE

Our 2 primary purposes on Earth?

To be happy and have exciting new experiences.

The best way to achieve that is to keep growing, evolving.

Enter relationships! They are one of the main ways we grow. Especially of course when they’re challenging us.

The point being:

A challenging relationship is not a “problem”, it can be AN ASSET.

Have a brilliant time at your family gatherings this year by taking the higher road. Take those disputes and use them to release hidden issues (which dictate your life!) Releasing them opens you to exciting new opportunities.

These 7 steps wrap-up parts 1 & 2, which built the understanding behind disputes. Now you have what you need to use a dispute as a valuable opportunity to transform your life. If you’re someone who wants to become greater follow the 7 steps and look back on the issue as a blessing.

So now, you have the power to create what you want. It’s your choice. You can either have:

  •  a heavy life filled with revenge & justice

OR

  • a free & light-hearted life with anything you want

It may require humility but I promise you, you’ll always win.

(NOTE: This does not involve working this out with the other person – this is ALL ABOUT YOU – as usual : -)

Use this article for any disagreement or where you’re not getting along.

“To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it.” ~~ Charlie Chaplin

Whether you do anything about this or not depends on how much this is hurting you.

Enough pain and you’ll act.

This is part 3 of a 3-part series: Coming Through Family Disputes Peacefully and More Empowered.

Part 1 – Family Disputes: Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less. Introduced you to disputes, why you enjoy them and the REWARDS you get when you discover what’s behind them.

Part 2 – 3 Things You’re Doing to Let Others Control You. Ways you inadvertently let others control you. Give yourself a gift of freedom and take back your power.

7 Steps to Using a Dispute to Get What You Want

Steps 1 – 4 may be a challenge. Do them so you can CELEBRATE in steps 5 – 7!

1. KNOWLEDGE FREES

1.     Create the intention to learn about yourself.

The natural state of your Spirit is to learn, to discover – especially about YOU!

Try to put revenge, anger, disappointment aside for these 7 steps. If it seems impossible to learn anything, try saying one of the following sentences to at least get you onto the page:

  • “Is there any way I could be open to the possibility there is something important to learn about myself – even though I’m still angry about what happened?”
  • “I choose to learn something profound about me today.”
  • “What if being open to learning about my role in this, could really change my life?”
  • “Is there a chance my life could become more meaningful by understanding the message in this situation?”

Another idea: Pretend you’re observing someone else with this issue – learn by watching.

“Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness.”

~~ Jean Vanier (Canadian Catholic philosopher Founder of L’Arche – group homes for people with developmental disabilities b. 1928)

2. LOVE YOURSELF THE WAY YOU ARE

2.     Take a stance of ‘no blame’.

No right and wrong. Not you, not them – even if it’s just for this exercise.

“I’m not OK, you’re not OK — and that’s OK.”

~~ William Sloane Coffin (American clergyman, long-time peace activist 1924 – 2006)

You may not want to let the other person off the hook because they hurt you, but once you understand the reason for disputes your fear disappears and nothing can hurt you.

Because…

…when you know you create every part of your life, how can anyone hurt you?

Now that’s power : -)

To learn why you create everything in your life see Part 2 – 3 Things You’re Doing to Let Others Control You – specifically points 1 & 2:

  • 1: Others Control You if You Try to Prove Them Wrong
  • 2: Others Control You if You Blame Them for What Happened

In fact once you know this, learning more about you becomes more important and exciting than seeking revenge and justice.

3. GAIN PEARLS OF WISDOM

3.     Create and contemplate the following questions.

Do this key step to get valuable insights out-of-the blue.

Idea: Print this page, so you can have these questions with you when you have time such as in traffic, on a train, bus or cooking etc. Make it easy for you to take action.

These give you the message about using this dispute to grow. It may not be obvious how these questions help, but do it and you’ll see.

  • “What bugs me about this person?”
  • “Could this be my message?”
  • “How does this person make me feel?”
  • “What does that message tell me about myself?”
  • “What message is this person giving me?”
  • “How are they treating me?”
  • “Is it possible their treatment of me is how I expect to be treated?”
  • “Is it possible their treatment of me is how I treat others?”
  • “If I was open to learning about myself today, what would that learning be?”
  • “How can I evolve from this experience: how can I grow?”

“We do not see things as they are, but as we are ourselves.”

~~ Henry M. Tomlinson (British writer and journalist 1873 – 1958)

4. USE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TRANSFORM

4.     Use those answers to discover any inadequacies in you.

It’s in your nature to change… to transform.

When someone annoys us it’s usually highlighting an inadequacy. It means it’s time to MOVE ON from the inadequacy.

Did the questions in point#3 uncover feelings of:

  • inferiority
  • bitterness
  • guilt
  • anxiety
  • self-pity
  • jealousy
  • disappointment in yourself

or

  • arrogance
  • stubbornness

or they made you feel

  • afraid, fearful – maybe you feel you need to toe the line & keep others happy to avoid being abandoned or excluded.

This is why that insensitive – annoying – hurtful or frightening person can be an ASSET.

(see WHY in Part 1 – Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less.)

This is not that easy – we’re often in denial about our feelings because you may see yourself as weak. But that’s not true. It takes strength to see ourselves for who we are. No-one is perfect and if you hide the issue, it’s still there.

Here’s a good question:

“Is it worth hiding these issues and holding yourself back for all eternity?”

“The person with insight enough to admit his limitations comes nearest to perfection.”

~~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe (German writer, artist & politician 1749 – 1832)

Let’s take one of the questions from above as an example:

  • Is it possible their treatment of me is how I expect to be treated?

Perhaps you decided DISRESPECT is the issue. What could that possibly mean for you?

Contemplate, drill down further with more questions and you may come up with a NEED FOR APPROVAL. Keep drilling down every time you discover something – what is behind the issue. Then, contemplate ways you can start giving yourself whatever you’re lacking e.g. respect and approval. Remember you can only give yourself what you need – others cannot do it for you. Once you give it to yourself, you’ll see it reflected in your relationship with others. Step 6 continues this process.

“A man who knows he is a fool, is not a great fool.”

~~ Zhuangzi (Influential Chinese philosopher who lived around 4th century BCE)

Remember the ripple effects and rewards from recognizing and changing just one inadequacy or limitation can be phenomenal.

You can get more help from Chapter 3 – Whatever You Think is True – which comes as a part of the FREE 3 chapter download of the book. It will help you understand:

  • where your thoughts come from
  • why anything you want is already there for you
  • how to consciously choose your thoughts
  • (see the end of this article for what you get in the free download)
5. LET’S LIBERATE YOU!

5.     Acknowledge what you’ve discovered – this is fabulous!

Let’s liberate you.

Really own it. By taking responsibility for who you are, you will naturally start to heal and move into the wonderful.

“Champions take responsibility. When the ball is coming over the net, you can be sure I want the ball.”

~~ Billie Jean King (American tennis player – Won 12 Grand Slam singles tennis titles b. 1943)

6.     NOW FOR SOME FUN! Decide what you want.

6. CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT

How do you want to be treated?

Use this information to move in a new direction. You have infinite potentials. Just say the word. Often we “wish” but never really state with intention what we want.

Choose powerful thoughts to describe how you want to be treated. Go for anything you want such as respect, happiness, confidence or a relationship, a material item etc.  For example:

  • “I feel safe, confident and secure in myself.”
  • “I have fulfilling, loving relationships.”
  • “I know how to treat myself with respect.”
  • “I now get treated with respect.”
  • “I’m grateful I love myself enough not to need anyone’s approval.”
  • “I love myself the way I am.”
  • “I see the happy caring side of (insert their name)”.

As you see these thoughts in your mind, you are creating them in reality.

Place these on cards next to your bed. Say them aloud at night and as you awake. Leave copies around your car, home and workplace, and say them aloud when you see them.

7. MOVE INTO A NEW WORLD

7.     Intend to see a change.

If you don’t, you’ll be expecting this person to keep treating you badly – and they will. You’ll be throwing the issue forward into your future… and voilà unfortunately you’ll move into it. That’s why it happens again and again.

It’s a cycle. Break the cycle.

Your thoughts create the life you experience.

Change your thoughts to get what you want.

If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.”

~~ Napoleon Hill (American author of several books incl. Think and Grow Rich in 1937 – Hill was one of the earliest producers of personal success literature 1883 – 1970)

Once you get an “aha” moment, you automatically get new choices.

Once you’re taking responsibility and choosing to resolve your issues within, you’ll find a few things happen, such as:

  • The situation eases. Why? This person’s job as your teacher is accomplished.
  • The person drops out of your life. Why? Because you’ve risen to a higher vibration, you’re moving into exciting new relationships aligned with the new you.

Bonus Point #8

Congratulate yourself for taking action and now contemplate all your strengths. One of them being:

“It is a sign of strength, not of weakness, to admit that you don’t know all the answers.”

~~ John P. Lougbrane

So Remember…

I wish you many fabulous family gatherings. If you find yourself getting annoyed at someone, ask yourself:

“Do I blame them or blame no-one, and choose the higher road to wisdom?”

Hopefully you decide to be at peace with this person, see them as an asset and use the lesson to help you grow into a beautiful transformed butterfly.

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Photo Credits: Leaves:    Book:    Heart Shell:    Blue Butterfly:   Treasure Chest:      Silhouette:     Paint brushes:    Butterfly on Purple:

When you’re ready to learn more, order a copy of How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That! (on Amazon or on this site – see buttons on the left) and…

Join all those people who have already found renewed joy in life:

From Verginon40.blogspot:

“I felt it touched upon many aspects of life, and didn’t try to preach to me or to provide me with a strict regimen of instruction for bettering myself. It makes you think about self-awareness and I really loved the inspirational quotes that were at the beginning of each chapter. 

The book is easy to read, hard to put down at times, in fact. Janet is a believer in loving who you are and not trying to squeeze yourself into a box or change yourself to fit someone else’s mold or idea. If you can love yourself as you are, the rest will follow. 

The book is perfect not just for one type of person either, no matter who you are, where you are in life, there is something for everyone and each person will take something important away after reading it.”

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From Sharon at BeckValleyBooks.blogspot.com

An excellent book which can and will help you change your life for the better.  The emphasis of the exercises and guidance in the book is all about your ‘self ‘ –  How you see yourself, what pre-determined ideas and beliefs you have and how others react to your behaviour and attitude.

The challenges and demands which we face in our lives are cleverly broken down into chapters and for each demand/challenge the author gives you an alternative thought process to help you cope.  With practice this could lead to that demand/challenge becoming less of an impact on your life and therefore eliminating that problem and as each problem is eradicated your life is enriched.”

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Now, return to being the extraordinary person you’ve always been…

… but didn’t know it. Get your Free Download of the First 3 Chapters of my book. Understand why life works this way, with scientific proof. You’ll discover:

  • Who are you really? Who others are
  • Why you are so extraordinarily powerful
  • The role of your Spirit and soul, past lives
  • Your purpose here
  • Proof. Easy-to-understand elements of quantum physics, explaining why your life is this way.
  • Why it’s ideal you’re NOT perfect : -)
  • The SEVEN Steps to happiness & what you want
  • Why your past is a blessing
  • Why you ought to love yourself first and how to do that
  • Why you are free to do what you love, how to do what you love
  • An exercise to learn how to discover your dreams and goals
  • An exercise to develop greater wisdom, awareness, truth
  • Where your thoughts come from
  • Why your thoughts create your life
  • Proof that anything is possible with thought – using latest breakthroughs in neuroscience such as neuroplasticity as an example. All simply explained.
  • An exercise to consciously choose your thoughts

    Just Like That! Front Cover
    Start TODAY – Download 3 free chapters

All in the first three chapters.

Why this book?

The aim is to return your FREE WILL to you, to urge you to question what life is all about. You’ll realize you’ve inadvertently bought into & live by programs you did not choose.

It empowers you to live life on your own terms and reach your true potential. It solves the human mystery and uses science to prove why you really can get anything you want.

You learn why an extraordinary person is not someone else, it’s YOU!

Read more about How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That!

This is Janet Poole; I believe there are better ways to delight your customers and inspire your staff.

I’m a certified Know Your WHY Facilitator and Coach and a Certified Facilitator of Bob Proctor’s Thinking into Results program.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

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3 Things You’re Doing to Let Others Control You (Part 2 of 3)

BE FREE – CHOOSE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS

A huge part of disputes is how much you unwittingly let others control you.

You can take back control by doing one thing instead; something we’ll get to in a minute. And you’ll find one of the essentials to a happy life also pops up again. Do these and life kicks along nicely.

But first it’s important to know what you may inadvertently be doing now, to let others control you.

What I tell you today is not widely known, and if known is not applied – at least I don’t see many people applying it. The good news is once the light is turned on, it stays on and you are forever more empowered.

Our aim today is to put you in charge of every situation, so you not only use disputes as an asset, but also move on from them. We want to give you freedom and have all your power under your control.

You become a magnetic personality others love to be around!

This is part 2 of a 3-part series:
Coming Through Family Disputes Peacefully and More Empowered.

Part 1 – Family Disputes: Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less.

Get more clarity from today’s article by first reading part 1 above.

Part 1 discussed the following:

  • 6 Empowering points about disputes
  • Why  disputes can be used as an asset
  • Who the other person really is
  • How to use the dispute to become happier

To Start Today, Ask Yourself These Four Questions:

  1. “Do I try to prove others wrong?”
  2. “Do I blame others for my circumstance?”
  3. “Do I depend on others behaving a certain way, so I can be happy?”
  4. “Do I try to change other people?”

It may surprise you, but if you answer YES to any of these, YOU ARE letting other people control you.

3 Things You Do to Let Others Control You & How to STOP That

1. Others Control You If You Try to Prove Them Wrong

Proving others wrong is a powerless tactic. It feels good, but gives the other person your power; that’s not our aim.

If you want a happy life, the best thing (not necessarily the easiest!) is leave the other person out of it.

 “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” ~~ Marcus Aurelius

(Roman Emperor CE 161 – 180, considered one of the most important Stoic philosophers)

What you’ll notice about those four questions above – they all start with “Do I.

That’s because the dispute is all about you. That’s a great thing : -) and I’ll tell you why.

Things don’t just happen to you. (again a good thing)

If you’ve read Just Like That! you’ll already know this and why, but a reminder never hurts.

You create everything that happens to you – once you know that, life becomes easier. For example:

  • Your health: You create your vibrant health or illness and pain
  • Your relationships: You create fun in your relationships or disappointment
  • Your finances: You create doing what you enjoy or a struggle
  • Your career: You create an enjoyable job or a hard, unfulfilling slog

You even create your disputes.

You continue to create everything every day.

Do you realize how powerful and wonderful that is? It means you can choose what you create in future.

Choice = power. Choose to be in control of your life = then you are. Choose to be a victim = then you are.

So, why does trying to prove the other person wrong give them your power?

By saying they caused an issue in your life, you’re choosing to be powerless and give them the power to influence your life.

Remember, you can choose to feel powerless – and of course then you are. Your thought decides your life. You have free will to give that power away and be a victim to others.

BUT. Even though you’ve handed them your power, you’re still creating everything that happens in your life. It’s just that you’re creating situations where you are powerless.

Today our goal is to return your power to you – through knowledge.

A powerful strategy is to take responsibility for the dispute. Taking responsibility means you accept you created the dispute.

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.” ~~ Jim Rohn

When you do, you instantly move into a PROACTIVE ROLE in your life…

… rather than being reactive and dependent on others. You are taking control and choosing your future.

Quantum physics proves what you think creates what you have in your life.

And if you create your life, it’s absolute. It doesn’t only apply to some things and not others, it’s everything.

This may seem impossible right now, but knowledge points the way – makes it fun in fact. This knowledge is already available to you, but it is your job to find, read and apply it. Do that and your life becomes *magical*.

How you can take control today: Learn more about taking responsibility for disputes – for everything. Learn how to do that and apply it.  Read this:

2. Others Control You If You BLAME Them for What Happened

Now let’s talk addiction.

As mentioned in Part 1 – Family Disputes: Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less a dispute gives us an emotional “hit” like a drug. It is addictive. A common emotion is BLAME.

Because blame feels deliciously sweet, you actually feel “good” for a moment. This is due to a chemical rush, again like a drug. You feel absolved of the situation and it’s a chance to complain and have others feel sorry for you.

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.  ~~ Dr. Robert Anthony

Blaming others means you let them control you.

Why?

Think about it – when you blame it’s because the person angered or disappointed you – in other words made you angry or sad. This also means they decide whether you feel happy or sad. You’re at their mercy.

If they’re nice to you, you’re happy. If they’re nasty you have a bad day.

Personally I’d rather choose happiness – on my terms, regardless of those around me.

I’ll put it bluntly:

If you truly are powerful enough to create all aspects of your life (you are)…

… how can you blame someone else for your situation or how you feel?

When you’re locked up in a cycle of blame, it is almost impossible for you to focus on and experience joy – you are effectively in a self-created prison. When you focus on retaliation or revenge, retaliation becomes your life so you create more of it. Life becomes harder as even more people retaliate upon you.

You created this and you can change this.

In a bizarre way, sadness and self-pity are also addictive emotions that feel “good”. But the good feeling quickly disappears, and you’re soon hunting for another hit.

It’s a downward spiral. Blaming others keeps you going south. At some point you’ll realize the truth and become desperate enough to stop the cycle and change direction. Today perhaps? : -)

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.” ~~ Wayne Dyer

On the other side of this are fun, laughter and getting along with everyone – on your own terms.

That can be you when you say, “YES, I want that”.

The lesson is: blame no-one, not even you. Let the situation merely be a learning opportunity for you: not good and not bad.

How does that work?

Often we’re unaware of our thoughts. If your life is the result of what you think, it means you can use every situation to learn how you’re thinking, and therefore change your thoughts to create what you want.

More help coming your way: Part 3 – 7 Easy Ways to Use the Dispute to Get What You Want – posted soon, helps you discover the meaning behind disputes and how they can help you find real happiness.

How you can take control today: Take responsibility to learn more about how life works, how you’re creating your life, why you can never blame others. Then start using that knowledge to take control and get what you want. Start with this:

  • You can get Chapter 3 WHATEVER YOU THINK IS TRUE  from my book – part of the 3 chapter FREE download – it’s a powerful chapter about how thought works, plus it has an easy exercise to help you: HOW TO CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE THOUGHTS.

3. Others Control You If You Depend on Them Behaving a Certain Way

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” ~~ Oscar Wilde

Even if the other person is attacking you, dig a little deeper and you’ll find you want them to change and behave a certain way.

Remember, controlling someone or forcing them to do what you want is equal to slavery, something we abhor. (yet we still do this but don’t see it that way)

But here’s the catch. By trying to control someone, you become the one controlled.

Why do you become controlled when you try to control others? Continue reading “3 Things You’re Doing to Let Others Control You (Part 2 of 3)”

Finding Times Tough? Can You Make This Simple Choice to Get the Happy Life You Want? (Part 2 of 7)

If you were able to choose and get the life you want, would you do it?

Surprisingly, many people would rather do nothing and continue to complain.

But we’re talking about you here, so if you’d like to choose your life, all you need as a first step is to take responsibility for the life you’ve created so far.

Life is like a game of chess.

Who is responsible for making the decisions in chess?

You are.

Once you take that first step, that simple yet profound choice opens a wonderful new world of opportunity for you.

“No man will succeed unless he is ready to face and overcome difficulties and is prepared to assume responsibilities.”

~~ William J.H. Boetcker

(American religious leader and public speaker 1873–1962)

This is Part 2 of a 7-Part Series “Are You Finding Times Tough?”

This article follows closely on the heels of Part 1 Finding Times Tough? How to Take Charge Today and Get a Happy Life . Part 1 teaches you how to take charge of your life and gives you a simple way to gain confidence.

This is the next step in taking charge of your life.

What Does Taking Responsibility Mean?

  • stop blaming other people, government and corporations for your life
  • stop waiting for someone else to tell you what to do
  • stop waiting for someone else to change your life
  • stop waiting for someone else to help you
  • stop feeling sorry for yourself
  • stop allowing ill-health to drive your life
  • start doing whatever it takes to understand why and how you’ve created your life so far
  • decide you are the person who changes your life to what you want

You are the person who creates your life, no-one else.

Just as in a game of chess, take responsibility for the outcome.

In tough times this is probably the last thing you want to hear.

Other people, government and corporations may well have contributed to your issues but bottom line your life is your doing.

And really, would you want it any other way?

Because this is a point of confusion for so many, my book “Just Like That!” fully explains why it is you who creates your life, how to take responsibility for it and what to do to turn it into a life you love. Understanding your involvement is a vital key to overcoming tough times forever.

Even if taking responsibility is hard to do, being the person responsible is actually GOOD NEWS!

Why?

If it is you who’s created your life to this stage it means you can also start today choosing and creating what you truly want. That sounds like great news to me.

You Always Have Free Will – Even if That Means Doing Nothing

You may choose to take this on or you may not.

And that’s okay, perhaps another time.

But the sooner you take responsibility the better it is for you. Obviously.

If you’re not up to it, Continue reading “Finding Times Tough? Can You Make This Simple Choice to Get the Happy Life You Want? (Part 2 of 7)”