~~ Why the movie YES MAN is a brilliant example of how to find your hidden talents.
~~ Learn valuable ways to move towards doing what you love. Even if you’re in a 9 – 5 job, have bills to pay, feel like you’re barely making it and want to say, “No way, I can’t take a risk and do what I love!”
~~ How to discover your hidden talents and make your life more meaningful.
~~ What to do if you’re really stumped for what it is you love.
~~ How to become alert for new opportunities when they appear.
~~ Why it’s important to try new and fun experiences.
~~ When you allow yourself to shine, others shine brighter too.
~~ Janet’s childhood challenges and why she doesn’t believe in luck and fate.
~~ What readers are enjoying about the book HOW TO GET ANYTHING YOU WANT – JUST LIKE THAT! What makes it different to other personal growth books out there.
~~ The main life-changing message of the book HOW TO GET ANYTHING YOU WANT – JUST LIKE THAT!
A huge part of disputes is how much you unwittingly let others control you.
You can take back control by doing one thing instead; something we’ll get to in a minute. And you’ll find one of the essentials to a happy life also pops up again. Do these and life kicks along nicely.
But first it’s important to know what you may inadvertently be doing now, to let others control you.
What I tell you today is not widely known, and if known is not applied – at least I don’t see many people applying it. The good news is once the light is turned on, it stays on and you are forever more empowered.
Our aim today is to put you in charge of every situation, so you not only use disputes as an asset, but also move on from them. We want to give you freedom and have all your power under your control.
You become a magnetic personality others love to be around!
This is part 2 of a 3-part series:
Coming Through Family Disputes Peacefully and More Empowered.
Get more clarity from today’s article by first reading part 1 above.
Part 1 discussed the following:
6 Empowering points about disputes
Why disputes can be used as an asset
Who the other person really is
How to use the dispute to become happier
To Start Today, Ask Yourself These Four Questions:
“Do I try to prove others wrong?”
“Do I blame others for my circumstance?”
“Do I depend on others behaving a certain way, so I can be happy?”
“Do I try to change other people?”
It may surprise you, but if you answer YES to any of these, YOU ARE letting other people control you.
3 Things You Do to Let Others Control You & How to STOP That
1. Others Control You If You Try to Prove Them Wrong
Proving others wrong is a powerless tactic. It feels good, but gives the other person your power; that’s not our aim.
If you want a happy life, the best thing (not necessarily the easiest!) is leave the other person out of it.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” ~~ Marcus Aurelius
(Roman Emperor CE 161 – 180, considered one of the most important Stoic philosophers)
What you’ll notice about those four questions above – they all start with “Do I”.
That’s because the dispute is all about you. That’s a great thing : -) and I’ll tell you why.
Things don’t just happen to you. (again a good thing)
If you’ve read Just Like That! you’ll already know this and why, but a reminder never hurts.
You create everything that happens to you – once you know that, life becomes easier. For example:
Your health: You create your vibrant health or illness and pain
Your relationships: You create fun in your relationships or disappointment
Your finances: You create doing what you enjoy or a struggle
Your career: You create an enjoyable job or a hard, unfulfilling slog
You even create your disputes.
You continue to create everything every day.
Do you realize how powerful and wonderful that is? It means you can choose what you create in future.
Choice = power. Choose to be in control of your life = then you are. Choose to be a victim = then you are.
So, why does trying to prove the other person wrong give them your power?
By saying they caused an issue in your life, you’re choosing to be powerless and give them the power to influence your life.
Remember, you can choose to feel powerless – and of course then you are. Your thought decides your life. You have free will to give that power away and be a victim to others.
BUT. Even though you’ve handed them your power, you’re still creatingeverything that happens in your life. It’s just that you’re creating situations where you are powerless.
Today our goal is to return your power to you – through knowledge.
A powerful strategy is to take responsibility for the dispute. Taking responsibility means you accept you created the dispute.
“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.” ~~ Jim Rohn
When you do, you instantly move into a PROACTIVE ROLE in your life…
… rather than being reactive and dependent on others. You are taking control and choosing your future.
Quantum physics proves what you think creates what you have in your life.
And if you create your life, it’s absolute. It doesn’t only apply to some things and not others, it’s everything.
This may seem impossible right now, but knowledge points the way – makes it fun in fact. This knowledge is already available to you, but it is your job to find, read and apply it. Do that and your life becomes *magical*.
How you can take control today: Learn more about taking responsibility for disputes – for everything. Learn how to do that and apply it. Read this:
Because blame feels deliciously sweet, you actually feel “good” for a moment. This is due to a chemical rush, again like a drug. You feel absolved of the situation and it’s a chance to complain and have others feel sorry for you.
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~~ Dr. Robert Anthony
Blaming others means you let them control you.
Think about it – when you blame it’s because the person angered or disappointed you – in other words made you angry or sad. This also means they decide whether you feel happy or sad. You’re at their mercy.
If they’re nice to you, you’re happy. If they’re nasty you have a bad day.
Personally I’d rather choose happiness – on my terms, regardless of those around me.
I’ll put it bluntly:
If you truly are powerful enough to create all aspects of your life (you are)…
… how can you blame someone else for your situation or how you feel?
When you’re locked up in a cycle of blame, it is almost impossible for you to focus on and experience joy – you are effectively in a self-created prison. When you focus on retaliation or revenge, retaliation becomes your life so you create more of it. Life becomes harder as even more people retaliate upon you.
You created this and you can change this.
In a bizarre way, sadness and self-pity are also addictive emotions that feel “good”. But the good feeling quickly disappears, and you’re soon hunting for another hit.
It’s a downward spiral. Blaming others keeps you going south. At some point you’ll realize the truth and become desperate enough to stop the cycle and change direction. Today perhaps? : -)
“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.” ~~ Wayne Dyer
On the other side of this are fun, laughter and getting along with everyone – on your own terms.
That can be you when you say, “YES, I want that”.
The lesson is: blame no-one, not even you. Let the situation merely be a learning opportunity for you: not good and not bad.
How does that work?
Often we’re unaware of our thoughts. If your life is the result of what you think, it means you can use every situation to learn how you’re thinking, and therefore change your thoughts to create what you want.
More help coming your way: Part 3 – 7 Easy Ways to Use the Dispute to Get What You Want – posted soon, helps you discover the meaning behind disputes and how they can help you find real happiness.
How you can take control today: Take responsibility to learn more about how life works, how you’re creating your life, why you can never blame others. Then start using that knowledge to take control and get what you want. Start with this:
You can get Chapter 3 WHATEVER YOU THINK IS TRUE from my book – part of the 3 chapter FREE download – it’s a powerful chapter about how thought works, plus it has an easy exercise to help you: HOW TO CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE THOUGHTS.
3. Others Control You If You Depend on Them Behaving a Certain Way
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” ~~ Oscar Wilde
Even if the other person is attacking you, dig a little deeper and you’ll find you want them to change and behave a certain way.
Remember, controlling someone or forcing them to do what you want is equal to slavery, something we abhor. (yet we still do this but don’t see it that way)
But here’s the catch. By trying to control someone, you become the one controlled.
6 empowering things you ought to know about disputes.
We’ll shift the power from the other person to you and possibly even see the brighter side.
We all know disputes are a touchy subject and the truth is hard to hear.
Be open to hear it and you’ll find more reasons to laugh at life.
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” ~~ George Burns (1896 – 1996)
Everything in this article empowers YOU.
Note: This information also applies to disputes outside the family. Most disputes are not life-threatening, but in cases of physical abuse or threats, never take it lightly. Act to stop it. Still use this information to empower yourself and avoid it in the future.
This is part 1 of a 3-part series: Coming Through Family Disputes Peacefully and More Empowered
6 Empowering Things to Learn About Disputes
1. You Enjoy the Dispute
Like I said, the truth is hard to hear; don’t let that deter you. Most people relish a dispute yet deny it because they’re unaware they’re enjoying it. You’re not alone.
Why do you enjoy a dispute?
The emotions arising from a dispute act like a drug. Weird maybe, but emotions are really chemicals, like drugs. We’re addicted to and take pleasure in the “hit” from the emotion.
What emotions give you a “hit”?
You get to feel sorry for yourself
You see the situation as unfair and a betrayal
You get to blame the person for the situation
You can dream up vengeful ways to get back at them
You get to criticize the person with your friends (the list goes on)
Deep down all this feels delicious.
BUT, bitterness, revenge and injustice hurt YOU. They don’t strengthen, they weaken you. And you don’t get what you want. They create diseases and put your life on hold.
“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.” ~~ Wayne Dyer
Contemplate this. If you stay with me, you’re already on track to greater empowerment.
2. Use Disputes as an Asset
One of your main purposes on Earth is to evolve, to rise above all those heavy emotions in point #1.
What’s one of the best ways to evolve?
Through relationships. They actually help you evolve – if you let them. We teach each other.
Why would you want to evolve?
When you do:
You gain control over your how your life turns out
Life becomes exciting,fun and you’re more relaxed
Nice things just happen to you
You’re a far more interesting person
You meet interesting, happy people
You gain a bright new perspective about life
You start waking up happy and doing what you love
Life makes sense, that’s a relief in itself
You can see you’ve been taking many things too seriously
What’s not to like.
Read this for more benefits you get from evolving:
Sleep more… and get your job done faster? What one or two simple things can you change today to get more done?
All this and more in today’s article.
We’re in a fairly new world here. Never before have we had so much distraction in our everyday lives. So much opportunity, conversation, information all at once.
What ONE CHANGE did I make to immediately increase my peace, productivity and satisfaction?
I used to be really good at time management until I published my book and started my blog. Suddenly I launched myself into a new wonderland of inspiring people (yes, you guys!) and all that fabulous information coming at me.
I wanted to interact with everyone and read and watch everything NOW.
All at the same time preferably.
Do you get that dissatisfied underachieving feeling? Where you can’t really pinpoint completing any one thing that will give you a big leap forward.
You feel the pressure to achieve those vital goals – you badly want to – but you’re too distracted.
“It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?” Henry David Thoreau
Too Distracted to Know You’re Distracted?
The buzz was keeping me too distracted to even realize I was distracted. No wonder. Have you found that? Recently I woke up and decided it was time (ha ha) to take control.
Others Benefit When I Get My Job Done
If I’m spinning my wheels I am not helping me and I am not helping you. This will be the same issue for you – in many ways.
My passion is to liberate as many people as I can to live life on their own terms – so they can take themselves into an exciting life, an extra-ordinary life. A life they love, where they can’t wait to start the day.
I do that by being proactive and focused, not reactive.
It’s Easy – Just Decide to Do it
As I say in my book, once you decide to do something you don’t have to know how you’ll do it, just decide you will do it – have the intention.
You will find yourself moving into the answers. For me nowadays my answers arrive at lightening speed, as in this case. It’s a great way to live.
Time management is a convoluted topic, and so individual. Today, I am giving you some clues to find your own answers. You can solve this dilemma.
My Answer #1
First Tim Ferris’ book The 4-Hour Work Week was being discussed in one of my circles – of course I’d heard of it but my reading list was already loooong. (always is). I decided to read it. Glad I did. If you haven’t already, read it.
Lots of interesting truly workable ideas – I especially enjoyed the time management ones.
If gratitude makes you yawn then come with me :- )
If you want to get excited about life, gratitude is your key. Let’s go deeper.
This is part 7 of a 7-part series: Things Happy People Do.
Today is Key #7
…possibly the most powerful of all.
3 Simple Steps to Get Excited About Life – see later in this article.
Happy People Are Grateful for What They’ve Got
Whatever You Focus on Becomes Greater
Focus on what you “don’t have” and you make a huge HOLE in your life.
Focus on what you “do have” and you get even more of that… and then more fabulous stuff gets heaped on top.
It has to do with flow. “Don’t have” blocks the flow, “I love what I already have” keeps it going.
Gratitude has a magical way of moving you deeper into the fabulous. (note: striving for magnificent goals is a focus on becoming greater and not on obstacles. An important but different piece of this puzzle.)
Once you’ve got the gratitude habit, trust me your list grows… it becomes infinite.
“Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.”
Earl Nightingale (Motivational speaker – on the USS Arizona during the attack on Pearl Harbor. 1921 – 1989)
When did you last acknowledge that you can walk or see or hear? Hoping of course you can do all three.
Seldom do we contemplate these monumental blessings. Just ask someone who can’t. Don’t let these blessings fade into the background.
Is Your Happiness Part of the Background?
The reason gratitude is a challenge is this background thing. Beauty is in the detail. Those smallest aspects of life are overlooked yet so vital to our enjoyment of life.
Stay with me. Let’s take another one of our precious senses.
TASTE – one of my favorite “background beauties”.
A friend of mine lost her sense of taste, and she’s often on my mind because of this. It had never occurred to me not to taste a juicy, sweet orange, my favorite chocolate… luscious and delectable or my rich full-bodied red wine.
Hard to imagine. Taste is underestimated.
And this: Do you value your husband, wife, partner in your life? If so, appreciate them every day. I mean really hone in on it every day. Make each day count. You wouldn’t want to wish you had, once they’re gone.
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”
Frederick Keonig (German inventor best known for his high-speed printing press. 1774 – 1833)
I’m Happy… I’m Big on Gratitude
Every day I focus on gratitude before I focus on my goals. I contemplate and acknowledge how fortunate I am. I’m also fortunate to have written a book I’m proud of, one that is getting magnificent reviews, and awards. It gives me more opportunity to live and write about my passion – sharing with others how to be excited about life. And connect with so many inspiring people across the world.
My gratitude attitude has moved me into a life I love.
Take Yourself into a Life You Love
We live in an age of incredible opportunity. A formal qualification is not a requirement to get what you want. Please remember that. The question is “Do you want to?” and “Are you willing to put in a little effort to get what you want?” There is a lot of hardship in the world, but opportunities abound for all who are interested and willing.
How Does Gratitude Help You?
Appreciation makes you euphorically happy. As a child I loved pencil crayons, my favorite being the Colleen brand of crayons but crayons were expensive then and not freely handed out as they are now.
When I eventually received my own set of Colleen pencil crayons at about age 10, I was beyond delighted. Ecstatic! Not only did I relish the feel of coloring with them, I also carefully sharpened them and ordered them according to color. (trying to get order into my life perhaps : -) You’ve no idea my joy at seeing this picture. I’m thrilled to say the packaging is still the same !
“Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.”
Aesop (A Greek writer credited with a number of fables – Aesop’s Fables)
Rarely do I see a child (in a Western country) go ape over crayons today or even enjoy sharpening and arranging them. A little sad for our kids. Things have changed quickly. We must evolve but not go south. Even more concerning is that the replacement toy – video games – doesn’t give any kind of satisfaction – it increases children’s anxiety, impatience and aggression.
I know this first-hand from my own young children, who started to change personality and so no longer “play” video games. It fuels displeasure – nothing “happy” about that. That’s another issue I may soon write about.
For the most part we, adults and children alike, rarely appreciate anything anymore, we just want more. We have no appreciation.