Your Troubled Relationships – Could This Be The Hidden Cause? (Part 1)

We only see WHAT WE WANT TO SEE.

It’s rare for us to see things as they truly are.

If we were WILLING to see things the way they are, many of our issues would be gone in a flash.

Most of us have no idea that we’re STUBBORN.

We don’t know we’re stubborn because it’s hidden and we don’t want to hear the idea of being stubborn because we’d rather blame something or someone… but that’s not the path to FREEDOM.

“Humility and freedom go hand in hand.
Only a humble person can be free.”

~~ Jeff Wilson

The more challenging the relationship and the closer the relationship, the more stubborn we get!

I hope you know by now – intellectually at least – that you can only change yourself.

It’s strange.

We know this and expect it of others, but when it comes to our own interactions with others we stubbornly insist THEY change.

Quantum physics proves that’s not how it works, but would you truly like to depend on others for your happiness?

You see, we can’t see the situation as it really is.

“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters,
your brothers, the school, the teachers – but never blame
yourself. It’s never your fault.
But it’s always your fault, because if you wanted to
change you’re the one who has got to change.”

~~ Katharine Hepburn
Now… if you’re being stubborn, what does that mean for you?

A lot.

It means you’ve put your life on hold; you’re waiting for someone else to change.

The problem with waiting?

What if they never change?

It means you’re stuck and choosing to hold yourself back from a beautiful life.

It’s you… you’re doing this. No-one else.

Day after day you’re giving your attention to something that drags you down.
Day after day you’re blaming the other person and giving your power to them.

That person controls your life.

The weeks go by, the tension mounts and you get more irritated, frustrated and angry.
You’ll probably whine and complain with whoever will listen.

If you’re okay with that there’s nothing more to be said (but I urge you to check out part 2 of this article)

Alternatively, you could see this as a golden opportunity to grow personally, liberate yourself and move into fun rewards.

What can you do?

Take the initiative and ask yourself what you can do to create your own happiness and NEVER AGAIN depend on anyone else. 

This is a path only for the humble and courageous because blame feels so delicious but…

What if you saw this as good news?
What if you could see you’ve been imprisoning yourself?
What if you could see you’re holding the key to your own freedom?

I’m unwilling for my happiness to depend on other people’s behaviour.

I LOVE the rewards I get by choosing my happiness; it feels good.

How about you?
I hope you go for taking responsibility because your happiness depends on it!


Related Reading:

Family Disputes : Tips to Laugh More, Cry Less (Part 1 of 3)
3 Things You’re Doing to Let Others Control You (Part 2 of 3)
7 Steps to Turning a Dispute into What You Want (Part 3 of 3)

This is Janet Poole; I believe there are better ways to delight your customers and inspire your staff.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

Knowing your WHY is like turning on the lights to your behaviour. You gain instant clarity. It’s like being introduced to yourself. When you know your WHY, you begin to understand. When you know your WHY, you realise your unique gifts. When you know your WHY, you gain clarity and confidence. When you know your WHY you live with passion.

When you know your WHY you can take your business from good to great in a single day.

Know Your WHY logo

Drop Diplomacy and Choose Freedom (Part 2)

flowers-painting-1391872491b4fWe use diplomacy as a SURVIVAL technique.
If we’re in survival mode we’re not free.

This is about being able to live in truth, YOUR truth!

(Click here for Part 1)

“Your experience is unique, as is your truth. Everyone’s version of the truth is different, because everyone’s knowledge and experience is different.”
~~ How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That! (P. 29)
(click here to get the first 3 chapters free)

Today we’re talking about all those excuses and explanations we use when the truth feels too uncomfortable.

Let’s imagine a simple scenario –
you’re late for an appointment or need to change one.

Would your first impulse be to put forward an excuse or explanation?

There’s a subtlety here that sneaks by unnoticed and it’s to do with your real belief about your power.

If you’re offering excuses and explanations it means you’re being pushed around by people or circumstances; you’re not free.

It means something out of your control happened TO YOU and you couldn’t help it.

Let’s always remember YOU ARE POWERFUL…
what you THINK.

This applies to everyone.

You and the other person involved are BOTH creating… not just “now and then”… in ALL circumstances.

Most of us are intending to do the right thing, so none of this is malicious, but let’s all take responsibility for what happens —
You created being late.
They created you being late.

Let’s acknowledge that.
Let’s embrace that.
Let’s stop giving your power away.

As mentioned in part 1, this is not about being insensitive, arrogant, hurting anyone’s feelings or assigning blame; we can be gentle while speaking our truth.

This is about LOVE and about recognizing we cannot make other people happy.

The best thing you can do for another person is love yourself and live your own truth.

That way you lead the way for others to do the same.
If you don’t, everyone continues around in circles unsuccessfully trying to make others happy.

Scratch the surface of an excuse and you’ll find… fear.

Are you concerned the truth will make you look unreliable, disorganized, irresponsible or uncaring?

Consider this…

A genuinely confident, self-sufficient person who loves themselves has none of the above concerns and has no need to explain themselves.

Let’s dive deeper.

What about the issue of hurting someone’s feelings.
If that’s your concern you haven’t yet fully grasped your power and that of others.

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
~~ Mahatma Ghandi

By feeling the need to manage another person’s feelings you believe they rely on you to feel good. Wouldn’t that mean you’re also depending on others making you feel good?

Do you see how this works?

Would you be okay with knowing others had to handle you with diplomacy to keep you happy — and in the process couldn’t tell you the truth ?

What if you could love yourself so much you can hear and handle the truth, no matter what?

I’m not saying that’s easy but what a powerful way to live!
That’s FREEDOM and if you want it you can have it.

Be the example and others will follow.

It’s a powerful moment when you really “get” that:

  • you do not have to play the game of keeping others happy
  • you do not depend on others for your happiness
  • others do not depend on you
  • you’re big and bold… YOU’RE FREE!

If you want to be FREE, what can you do?

1. Start by observing people making excuses or explaining themselves.
Not to judge, merely to learn.

2. Play with speaking your truth or saying what you want without excuses and explanations. It will seem strange at first.

I know personally how confronting it can be to speak and live your truth…
      … but what happens if you don’t?

You’ll see, if the people in your life don’t value the truth like you do, you’ll start shifting into new circumstances and people who do!

You’ll start enjoying love and FREEDOM beyond your wildest imagination.

This has been my experience.

Related Reading:

10 Reasons Loving Yourself Gets You What You Want
7 Things Happy People Do – They Approve of Themselves (Part 4 of 7)


This is Janet Poole and I believe in freedom and living our true potential.

I believe in finding better ways to live a better life.

I have searched the world to find the best ways to grow, get permanent change and achieve your wildest dreams — I have found it in the program Thinking Into Results.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

Contact Janet Poole here