Towing the line

Are Other People’s Dreams More Important than Yours?

Published on June 16, 2012July 24, 2016 by Janet

Butterfly in bubble — Love who you are, do what you love

Why you help yourself AND others
when you ditch obligation!

If you’re frustrated or bored, you’re probably doing obligation and it means you have chosen to put other people’s lives ahead of your own, and it’s not admirable.

Change this or kiss goodbye to your goals and dreams because your focus is on helping other people achieve their dreams. When that happens we rarely get around to doing what is important to us.

“Once you say you’re going to settle for second, that’s what happens to you.”

John F. Kennedy

Love Who You Are, Do What You Love

You are here to experience life on Earth: your life. Your first step is to love yourself. When you love you, then you have what you need to love others.

Anything else is an unfulfilled, uphill battle. Become a light to the world and lead the way for others to do the same. You’re not perfect, we know that. No-one is – we are all continuing to evolve. Approve of everything you think, say and do.

You are here to fulfill your goals and dreams, to create new adventures, to explore life.

Once you’re on the right path for you, once you’re filled up… then reach out to others.

You can’t live someone else’s life for them. You are here to achieve as much happiness as you can and always remember you are entitled to get what you want.

The more you love yourself the more you get what you want. Be outrageous and live your life to the full.

Key Points

Are you trapped into constantly having to please other people?
Are you scared to say no?
Why putting yourself second causes you distress.
How to know if you are doing obligation.
How to break with tradition and follow the path that makes you happy.
How you’ll be supported when you do what makes you happy.

Yes, You Can Say, ‘No’

We robotically follow the unwritten rules of society. Society, religions and culture, over many generations have decided ‘acceptable’ behavior for you. We seldom stop and say, ‘What if I don’t want to do this?’

Yes, you can say, ‘No.’

Obligation is subtle. Sometimes we overlook our unwillingness to comply because it is so deeply buried and masked.

Observe how life plays out around you, including your job – is it also an obligation? Study other people… this is happening to most of us.

We spend most of our day satisfying other people. If you do this it damages your health and happiness.

Before you help someone, allow yourself to stand back and consider what you’re consenting to. Do it for the right reasons.

If you don’t want to help there is a good reason, perhaps not clear to you. There is also usually an alternative.

If there is no hidden agenda or expectation in your offer to help, go for it.

Why Do You Do Obligation?

Lurking behind obligation is our need for acceptance from others. If our behavior is different or at odds with our culture, we’re noticed and are potentially a target for disapproval. We police each other to behave ‘appropriately’.

For most of us, the love we receive from others is conditional – directly dependent on how we behave. We all know this subconsciously, so we ‘behave’. We love the fuzziness of approval.

We have an innate knowingness that to experience condemnation by our peers would feel like being banished into the wilderness, where it seems our very survival is threatened.

How to Know If You Are Doing Obligation

When there is no sense of fun and excitement in your activities. Ideally, you should wake up enthusiastic about the day ahead. Question whether you have choice in what you do.

Crabby, Bitter vs Happy, Fulfilled…Which One Do You Want?

Who do you think is a greater asset to you and the world? The crabby, bitter personality who is living a lie or the sunshiny one who loves their life?

Your only obligation should be to yourself! When you are happy and fulfilled, you are fun to be around.

WHEN YOUR CHALICE IS FULL,

YOU ARE A BLESSING TO OTHERS.

Follow Your Dreams and Feel Fabulous

Once you have the courage to break with the traditions of society, to do what makes you happy, you will discover that a new sense of power and confidence washes over you.

You are loving you – perhaps for the first time, and people and circumstances magically appear and fall into place.

The People Who Matter Will Love You and Be Inspired

Fitting into other people’s expectations may still be tempting because it is a habit but gradually the need diminishes.

The people who matter in your life will accept the new you, and you will become an inspiration for them to change their lives.

Other people may drift away and that is to be expected.

New people will arrive, people who will take you onward with your journey, to even greater happiness.

Being Human is Beautiful

A beautiful aspect of being human is that we love to help others, and you will always do so – but on your own terms.

Ensure there is balance and choice in what you do; make sure you do what you want to do.

Do you love yourself the way you are? Learn how to value yourself and live life on your own terms.

For more ways to ditch obligation and why it is both unhealthy and unhelpful for everyone, see the book How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That!

DOWNLOAD 3 FREE Radical Chapters TODAY

Just Like That! Front Cover — Start TODAY – Download 3 free chapters

The book uses the forgotten truth of ancient wisdom to lift you out of restrictive current beliefs and provide an in-depth step-by-step approach to aligning your thoughts with what you want. It also offers exercises that help integrate the knowledge into your life.

What Readers and Critics are Saying about How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That!

Just want to thank you for a wonderful book. My mother purchased it for me for Christmas and I have loved every word written.

I am about to read it again to absorb more of the wonderful lessons.

My journey has become more enlightened thanks to your book and I am now living in the moment, letting go old baggage that was hanging on with bad energy.

Very grateful to have this book enter my life. Let the magic begin!“

~~ D. Smith, Working mother of 4, Queensland Australia

“Just Like That!” covers so many topics that it would be too numerous to mention all of my “Ah ha” moments. But I can say that there were many that helped me to better understand my behaviors and thought patterns, and those of others.

In looking at how and why other people might act like they do, it helped me to feel more compassion towards them. I also learned a lot about not getting sucked in to other people’s issues or letting them control me with their negativity or letting myself get sucked into helping them when it might not be in my best interest or theirs.”

~~ Paige Lovitt – Reader Views

See here for more book reviews of How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That!

Why Mainstream Thinking Gives You Mainstream Results

Published on November 4, 2011February 15, 2016 by Janet

Time to think outside the box — “Time to Think Outside the Box”

Avoid mainstream thinking.

That is, if you want a happy life and to get what you want.

Rise above it.

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.

If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened.

But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

Friedrich Nietzsche (German philosopher, poet, composer 1844 – 1900)

It’s Time to Think for Ourselves

Many people believe the masses are correct i.e. mainstream thinking. “If everyone is doing it, it must be okay.” Wrong. Mainstream thought is filled with potholes. It is mostly the media, the government and our friends who tell us what to think. We no longer think for ourselves and that should trouble us. Does this mean many people have become robotic? Do you hang out with the latest topic of the media? It’s likely all our beliefs are being manipulated. What about you? What do you think?

“The man who reads nothing at all is better educated

than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.”

~~ Thomas Jefferson (Third US President and principal author of US Declaration of Independence 1743 – 1826)

I saw a well-written article a year ago about mainstream thinking on the site www.dailyreckoning.com and thought it explained the concept well. A site intended for investors, but the article applies to life in general. Although the article is a year old, it still applies today. In fact unfortunately for us, this article applies to the last several hundred years and will continue to unless we change. Here is an excerpt.

Successful Investing in a Market Dominated by Groupthink

By Eric Fry

09/09/10 Laguna Beach, California – Mainstream thinking tends to produce mainstream results. The outliers of human behavior and consequence – for better or for worse – tend to reside outside of the mainstream…out on the thin tails of the probability curve.

Out on those distant tails, you might find the creative genius of a Bill Gates or a Thomas Edison…or of that Chinese guy who invented gunpowder. On the other side of the curve, you might find the incomprehensible perspective of a Pol Pot or a Hernando Cortes…or of that woman who underwent 31 operations over 14 years so that she could look like “Barbie.”

Then, occasionally, you find those individuals like Vincent van Gogh who were so idiosyncratic that you can’t really say which thin tail they would occupy.

But, by definition, most of us live our lives where most of us live our lives – i.e., somewhere near the mainstream. That’s mostly a good thing. It is safe, comfortable, and conducive to a lengthy and well socialized existence. Out on the Serengeti, for example, the “outliers” usually become lunch…or if they’re lucky, dinner, a little later in the day.

But mainstream thinking and mainstream behavior also possesses a very dark side. It lacks insight. It shuns self-examination. It repels intellectual honesty and creativity. Mainstream thinking, therefore, can sometimes nurture more detritus than a petri dish; more dysfunction than a sanitarium. In Ages past, mainstream thinking has nurtured idiocies as innocuous as the periwig or as horrific as the virgin sacrifice.”

It requires courage to think for yourself; to be an independent thinker. But it delivers the richest rewards. Deep down most people are concerned about encountering disapproval from those around them, becoming ‘lunch’ on the Serengeti for the mainstream thinkers; people who tow the line.

How to Be an Independent Thinker and Not Become ‘Lunch’ Continue reading “Why Mainstream Thinking Gives You Mainstream Results” →

Why it’s a Trap for You to Tow the Line

Published on August 25, 2011December 30, 2014 by Janet

If you want to live a happy life, stop towing the line.

This is part 2 of a 2-part series. Part 1 Do You Think for Yourself? introduced you to the unwritten rules of society and suggested that you probably follow them without realizing it. Towing the line gives you the illusion of a happy life but deep down you feel robbed.

“The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself.”

~~ Rita Mae Brown (American Writer b. 1944)

This article is a little different to my others in that while it tells you how to become greater, it also delivers to you the stark reality of towing the line i.e. the downsides… and it is a downward spiral. By reading it I am hoping you will be motivated to take action, to step forward and courageously push aside those rules. To be free to live the happy life of your choosing.

The Hazards of Towing the Line …The 10 Steps to Hitting Rock Bottom in Your Life

Do you recognize this pattern, this downward spiral? (Some parts may seem tinged with sarcasm – that is not the intention. It is however the truth.)

At first, you’ll feel honorable. Initially, this is what you feel by conforming. It’s your (short-term) reward for doing so.
Then you’ll feel accepted as people appear to warm to you and praise you for being such a good person. Praise is a deep need for most people and it makes you believe you’re an essential part of the group, the tribe.
You’ll feel safe, loved and secure because you think the tribe will protect you. You consider yourself to be doing the ‘right thing’ since you’ve made a good impression. Note: Unbeknownst to you, this is the last time you will feel good. At this point you start on the never-ending downward cycle.
It starts to dawn on you that the love and protection you receive is conditional and to keep it you must keep following the rules – you must keep towing the line. Fact: the love and protection are conditional; you subconsciously know this and that there are consequences if you stray. This is where my book Just Like That! comes in. It explains that while there are certainly consequences if you stop towing the line, they pass quickly if Continue reading “Why it’s a Trap for You to Tow the Line” →

Do You Think for Yourself? Here’s How to Start

Published on August 18, 2011February 14, 2016 by Janet

Are you free to do what you want?

Or do you do what is expected of you?

You’ll probably find that without even knowing it, you follow ‘the rules’ and conform.

Obviously if you’re paid to do a job, do it.

For this purpose we’re talking about mindlessly following the unwritten rules of society; things you’ve never agreed to and you’re not paid to do.

If you have never contemplated this, then it’s likely you’ve fallen into line whether or not it’s for your benefit. Just by reading this paragraph however, you may have a lightning bolt moment; a sudden awareness about how you’re living your life.

To have confidence and a happy life, you ought to think for yourself.

“Gonna change my way of thinking, make my self a different set of rules.

Gonna put my good foot forward and stop being influenced by fools.”

Bob Dylan (American singer-songwriter and musician b. 1941)

If this Idea Pushes a Button Look Closer

This can be a touchy subject because we all like to think we’re independent thinkers, but we can’t escape the truth.

If you didn’t have a lightning bolt moment, ask yourself if this topic pushes a button for you. Does it make you uncomfortable, even a little?

If an idea pushes a button it means it applies to you in some way whether you hide from it or not.

Towing the line takes us away from what we want in life. But most people are doing it so let’s face it and acknowledge at least that you now know.

Now we can take action to liberate you and deliver to you that happy life instead.

Since I’ve had the luxury of learning I’m ‘free to be me’ and every day actively choose to be that, I’ve felt my heart soar, I’ve had a beautiful sense of liberation, confidence and I wake up even happier, with an even greater can-do attitude.

The Results Are In – You Are Free to Be You

Unfortunately, until we’re reminded that we’re free (to be whoever and whatever we want to be), we continue towing the line, doing what we think impresses others and keep trying to make ourselves more acceptable or more significant in the eyes of others.

We seldom do anything that contradicts what’s expected of us, for fear of losing the love and approval of others.

We robotically follow the rules of society – subconscious rules we’ve been indoctrinated to follow since childhood.

The rules determine what is deemed good behavior, and what isn’t.

We unconsciously know ‘good’ from ‘bad’ and we stick to being ‘good’.

Our daily life involves striving to be a glowing example of what is seen as living an ‘impressive life’.

The consequence? Continue reading “Do You Think for Yourself? Here’s How to Start” →

Tag: Towing the line