Are Other People’s Dreams More Important than Yours?

Love who you are, do what you love

Why you help yourself AND others
when you ditch obligation!

If you’re frustrated or bored, you’re probably doing obligation and it means you have chosen to put other people’s lives ahead of your own, and it’s not admirable.

Change this or kiss goodbye to your goals and dreams because your focus is on helping other people achieve their dreams. When that happens we rarely get around to doing what is important to us.

“Once you say you’re going to settle for second, that’s what happens to you.”

John F. Kennedy

Love Who You Are, Do What You Love

You are here to experience life on Earth: your life. Your first step is to love yourself. When you love you, then you have what you need to love others.

Anything else is an unfulfilled, uphill battle. Become a light to the world and lead the way for others to do the same. You’re not perfect, we know that. No-one is – we are all continuing to evolve. Approve of everything you think, say and do.

You are here to fulfill your goals and dreams, to create new adventures, to explore life.

Once you’re on the right path for you, once you’re filled up… then reach out to others.

You can’t live someone else’s life for them. You are here to achieve as much happiness as you can and always remember you are entitled to get what you want.

The more you love yourself the more you get what you want. Be outrageous and live your life to the full.

 Key Points

  • Are you trapped into constantly having to please other people?
  • Are you scared to say no?
  • Why putting yourself second causes you distress.
  • How to know if you are doing obligation.
  • How to break with tradition and follow the path that makes you happy.
  • How you’ll be supported when you do what makes you happy.

Yes, You Can Say, ‘No’

We robotically follow the unwritten rules of society. Society, religions and culture, over many generations have decided ‘acceptable’ behavior for you. We seldom stop and say, ‘What if I don’t want to do this?’

Yes, you can say, ‘No.’

Obligation is subtle. Sometimes we overlook our unwillingness to comply because it is so deeply buried and masked.

Observe how life plays out around you, including your job – is it also an obligation? Study other people… this is happening to most of us.

We spend most of our day satisfying other people. If you do this it damages your health and happiness.

Before you help someone, allow yourself to stand back and consider what you’re consenting to. Do it for the right reasons.

If you don’t want to help there is a good reason, perhaps not clear to you. There is also usually an alternative.

If there is no hidden agenda or expectation in your offer to help, go for it.

Why Do You Do Obligation?

Lurking behind obligation is our need for acceptance from others. If our behavior is different or at odds with our culture, we’re noticed and are potentially a target for disapproval. We police each other to behave ‘appropriately’.

For most of us, the love we receive from others is conditional – directly dependent on how we behave. We all know this subconsciously, so we ‘behave’. We love the fuzziness of approval.

We have an innate knowingness that to experience condemnation by our peers would feel like being banished into the wilderness, where it seems our very survival is threatened.

How to Know If You Are Doing Obligation

When there is no sense of fun and excitement in your activities. Ideally, you should wake up enthusiastic about the day ahead. Question whether you have choice in what you do.

Crabby, Bitter vs Happy, Fulfilled…Which One Do You Want?

Who do you think is a greater asset to you and the world? The crabby, bitter personality who is living a lie or the sunshiny one who loves their life?

Your only obligation should be to yourself! When you are happy and fulfilled, you are fun to be around.

WHEN YOUR CHALICE IS FULL,

YOU ARE A BLESSING TO OTHERS.

Follow Your Dreams and Feel Fabulous

Once you have the courage to break with the traditions of society, to do what makes you happy, you will discover that a new sense of power and confidence washes over you.

You are loving you – perhaps for the first time, and people and circumstances magically appear and fall into place.

The People Who Matter Will Love You and Be Inspired

Fitting into other people’s expectations may still be tempting because it is a habit but gradually the need diminishes.

The people who matter in your life will accept the new you, and you will become an inspiration for them to change their lives.

Other people may drift away and that is to be expected.

New people will arrive, people who will take you onward with your journey, to even greater happiness.

Being Human is Beautiful

A beautiful aspect of being human is that we love to help others, and you will always do so – but on your own terms.

Ensure there is balance and choice in what you do; make sure you do what you want to do.

Do you love yourself the way you are? Learn how to value yourself and live life on your own terms.

For more ways to ditch obligation and why it is both unhealthy and unhelpful for everyone, see the book How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That!

***DOWNLOAD 3 FREE Radical Chapters TODAY***
Just Like That! Front Cover
Start TODAY – Download 3 free chapters

The book uses the forgotten truth of ancient wisdom to lift you out of restrictive current beliefs and provide an in-depth step-by-step approach to aligning your thoughts with what you want. It also offers exercises that help integrate the knowledge into your life.

What Readers and Critics are Saying about How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That!

Just want to thank you for a wonderful book. My mother purchased it for me for Christmas and I have loved every word written.

I am about to read it again to absorb more of the wonderful lessons.

My journey has become more enlightened thanks to your book and I am now living in the moment, letting go old baggage that was hanging on with bad energy.

Very grateful to have this book enter my life. Let the magic begin!

~~ D. Smith, Working mother of 4, Queensland Australia

Just Like That!” covers so many topics that it would be too numerous to mention all of my “Ah ha” moments. But I can say that there were many that helped me to better understand my behaviors and thought patterns, and those of others.

In looking at how and why other people might act like they do, it helped me to feel more compassion towards them. I also learned a lot about not getting sucked in to other people’s issues or letting them control me with their negativity or letting myself get sucked into helping them when it might not be in my best interest or theirs.”

~~ Paige Lovitt – Reader Views

See here for more book reviews of How to Get Anything You Want – Just Like That!

Related Reading:

Why You Are Never Selfish

5 Reasons You’re Not Asking For What You Want

Do You Think For Yourself? Here’s How to Start

10 Reasons Loving Yourself Gets You What You Want

7 Things Happy People Do – They Put Themselves First (Part 3 of 7)

Photo Credit

This is Janet Poole and I believe in freedom and living our true potential.

I believe in finding better ways to live a better life.

I believe in being someone you can count on for support all the way into achieving your goal.

I have searched the world to find the best ways to grow, get permanent change and achieve your wildest dreams — I have found it in the program Thinking Into Results.

Better Ways. More Freedom.

Contact Janet Poole here

 

Thinking Into Results

Advertisements

7 Things Happy People Do – They Put Themselves First (Part 3 of 7)

Candle relaxPut yourself first.

I know I know that’s supposed to be taboo.

And therefore a great reason to challenge it : -)

Putting yourself first is logical when you know why.

If you want scientific proof then I have that too.

If the idea sounds tempting then I say, good for you.

It’s 4 years since this blog post was written.
As of 2016, it’s my 4th most popular blog post.
It shows many of us are asking questions about what we’re “allowed” to have.
We have a yearning for truth.

Imagine if we ALL had permission to do what’s right for us, to follow our passions. Everyone would be happier, correct?

This is part 3 of a 7-part series: Things Happy People Do.

Key #1 is Happy People Have an Open Mind.
Key #2 is Happy People Love to Learn.

Let’s get started on #3.

Key #3:

Happy People Put Themselves First

Putting yourself first means you can follow your passion.

It’s the difference between waking up and savouring the idea of the day ahead and bouncing out of bed yelling, “Oh yea!” versus groaning, “Ugh, and now I have to get up…”!

“Nothing is as important as passion. No matter what you want to do with your life, be passionate.”

Jon Bon Jovi

Would You Even Know You’re Putting Others First?

Putting others first is a program so drilled into us as children it becomes part of who we are.

Then someone (that would be me) shocks us with “put yourself first !” and we draw back in horror.

So how does putting others first play out in our life?

It means we rarely do what we want.

We spend our life trying to please our family and friends and be accepted by our peers. We do what is popular, we try to fit in, we never offend (a serious no-no), we try to impress others and appear successful and yes, we even try to appear happy.

Does feeling obligated to please others and having to constantly appear successful make you happy?
No.

Most people consider this selfish… it’s not.

Why?

That Scientific Proof You Wanted

1. Quantum physicists have proved that you can only create your own reality – by what you think and how you choose to live your life.

You don’t create someone else’s reality – you can only create yours.

2. Take that one step further and you’ll see you can’t make someone else happy; why some people are never satisfied no matter how hard you try.

3. And one more step – the flip side: You can’t expect others to make you happy.

It’s all about YOU. You make it happen for YOU.

You’ll Become More Generous and Loving

Just because you put yourself first doesn’t mean you skip your responsibilities and stop loving your children. Nor do you become selfish, nasty or greedy. You’re human: you’ll always care for others. You become even more generous, patient and loving. And you’re empowering yourself and others. Life is brilliant!

Tell me, would you rather be around someone who is vibrantly happy and inspirational or someone who is exhausted and disgruntled after years of self-sacrifice… and of course trying their best to mask it? You decide.

My Time as a Stay-at-Home Mother

Women with children surely face one of the toughest challenges to feel okay about putting themselves first.

When I was a SAHM, I was desperate for me time. So were my friends.

It didn’t help that I had no family in Australia, my daughter had started school and I had a very lively active (adorable!) 3yo son who had moved on from his afternoon naps.

Back then I didn’t know about putting myself first.

Achieving Me Time

So how did I handle the situation back then?

I must have had inkling of how important this was because I chose to put my son in childcare 5 hours on a Wednesday.

This meant I could get a cup of coffee by myself or even chop vegetables for dinner uninterrupted!

I didn’t even want to catch up with friends – I just wanted to be alone.

My son hated childcare.

The first few months were fine and he always had a lot of fun once there, but he started objecting every Wednesday morning. I persevered a little longer because I knew I was a better, more patient mother with me time.

I stopped the childcare because my son was becoming more distraught, however those 6 months gave me what I needed. He started kindergarten soon after and I got a few hours to myself.

How Can Your Attitude Help You?

You don’t have to logically work out how to put yourself first. Merely understand that you’re entitled to do so and Continue reading “7 Things Happy People Do – They Put Themselves First (Part 3 of 7)”

How to Stop Criticism…Going Out & Coming In

Free as a BirdEver wished you could stop criticizing others?

And wondered why you do it?

And of course on the flip side, we all love receiving a compliment.

Read on for an interesting way to accept others… and attract praise.

“Like the sky opens after a rainy day we must open to ourselves…. Learn to love yourself for who you are and open so the world can see you shine.”

James Poland

1) How to Stop Criticizing Others

Until you accept yourself for who you are, your enthusiasm for criticism will continue. The reason? You’re seeing yourself in others; you’re seeing your ‘flaws’.

We all have flaws and they’re okay, but because we deem flaws unacceptable we criticize. You only have one reality – yours. Everything is about you. It’s easy to criticize because we mistakenly take ourselves out of the situation and forget everyone has flaws, we included. So we sit in judgment of the other person, thinking it’s all about them, when it’s always all about us.

We consider ourselves spotless and above it all. However don’t blame or chastise yourself. Use this only to learn, and blame no-one.

Once you choose to accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all, you consequently accept others for who they are flaws and all. You develop compassion for others. They therefore stop pressing your buttons. Why? You move into what you think.

I accept me = I accept you.

Simple. Problem solved.  That was easy…

“You’re born an original.  Don’t die a copy.”

John Mason (Author of several motivational books)

2) How to Stop Others Criticizing You

It’s all very well to say we shouldn’t care what others think, but if you don’t like being criticized then the easiest way to nail it is to Continue reading “How to Stop Criticism…Going Out & Coming In”

Same Soul, Many Bodies – Book Review

Title:        Same Soul, Many Bodies

Subtitle:  Discover the Healing Power of Future Lives Through Progression Therapy

Author:    Brian L. Weiss, M.D.

Rating:    Excellent

How clues from past lives provide alternative healing and a happy life today

The book Same Soul, Many Bodies – Discover the Healing Power of Future Lives Through Progression Therapy shows how looking at past lives through regression therapy can heal illnesses, emotional and physical pain and relationship issues in your life today.

Although the subtitle of this book suggests ‘future lives’, the book also extensively covers past life case studies.

The reader can learn much about themselves from reading the book without actually having the therapy itself.

The case studies are well written stories and cover a plethora of ailments and issues common to many people.

The beauty of this book is that it opens up the reader to consider new potentials to have a happy life.

One of the most impressive case studies involves a young woman, Victoria, with severe back pain caused by a cancer.

Prior to therapy, she needed morphine-like drugs to sleep at night and had to endure unbearable agony each day so as to work. A regression to a particular past life not only explained Continue reading “Same Soul, Many Bodies – Book Review”

Why it’s a Trap for You to Tow the Line

If you want to live a happy life, stop towing the line.

This is part 2 of a 2-part series. Part 1 Do You Think for Yourself? introduced you to the unwritten rules of society and suggested that you probably follow them without realizing it. Towing the line gives you the illusion of a happy life but deep down you feel robbed.

“The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself.”

~~ Rita Mae Brown (American Writer b. 1944)

This article is a little different to my others in that while it tells you how to become greater, it also delivers to  you the stark reality of towing the line i.e. the downsides… and it is a downward spiral. By reading it I am hoping you will be motivated to take action, to step forward and courageously push aside those rules. To be free to live the happy life of your choosing.

The Hazards of Towing the Line …The 10 Steps to Hitting Rock Bottom in Your Life

Do you recognize this pattern, this downward spiral? (Some parts may seem tinged with sarcasm – that is not the intention. It is however the truth.)

  1. At first, you’ll feel honorable. Initially, this is what you feel by conforming. It’s your (short-term) reward for doing so.
  2. Then you’ll feel accepted as people appear to warm to you and praise you for being such a good person. Praise is a deep need for most people and it makes you believe you’re an essential part of the group, the tribe.
  3. You’ll feel safe, loved and secure because you think the tribe will protect you. You consider yourself to be doing the ‘right thing’ since you’ve made a good impression. Note: Unbeknownst to you, this is the last time you will feel good. At this point you start on the never-ending downward cycle.
  4. It starts to dawn on you that the love and protection you receive is conditional and to keep it you must keep following the rules – you must keep towing the line. Fact: the love and protection are conditional; you subconsciously know this and that there are consequences if you stray. This is where my book Just Like That! comes in. It explains that while there are certainly consequences if you stop towing the line, they pass quickly if Continue reading “Why it’s a Trap for You to Tow the Line”